


So, Why Uchiura?

by Gnosya108



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Comedy, Depression, Drama, F/F, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Some tags apply to future chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 00:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14343720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gnosya108/pseuds/Gnosya108
Summary: Sakurauchi Riko takes a train to Uchiura from Tokyo, and on the way meets Takami Chika, a girl who's recently lost a competition called Love Live.Over the course of her trip and afterwards, Riko, Chika and Chika's friends fall in love, face harsh emotions, and otherwise do and don't get along as they (try to) help each other get better.NOTE: Due to an error on my part, the last part of the last chapter didn't post. It's now been fixed.





	1. She Met Her Future on a Late Night Train

**Author's Note:**

> The whole thing has been written (but not proofread), and I want to update once every few days with about one 2000-3000 word addition. That should be true unless there need to be major rewrites.
> 
> Admittedly, I'm a little nervous about this one. I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless.

First Part: She Met Her Future On a Train  
1---  
The train ran along the side of the mountain, near the top. As it climbed the mountain, the cities below got smaller and smaller in the night. From these heights, the cities looked like arrays of stars that had fallen, and made their new home on the earth, in little colonies. It looked almost just like the photographs.

Riko leaned against the window, watching the starry ground. Trees, occasionally, obscured the view. If it was a single tree, the train moved past it within a second. But sometimes there were bundles of trees, and she could only see the city-stars between the trees, maybe. Other times, the trees were too thick.

She checked her phone, swore. Her mother’d sent her another message. Riko didn’t bother reading it. She answered it like she answered the last two messages asking her to come home. “I’ll be home on Saturday.” Her phone rang, and she felt the need to answer. Her mother hadn’t called her until this moment.

The connection was pretty spotty.

“Do you have a place to stay?” her mother began. “If you tell me where you’re going I can tell you if you have relatives there. I’ll make sure they’ll give you a room.”

“This is for me. You said you don’t mind if I take a trip during Spring holiday.”

“I said you could. You never told me where you’re going or anything. I was worried. And even if you stay with relatives, you can still spend some time alone.” Riko cringed, calmed herself by looking at the stars below.

“I just wanna be alone, mostly. Tokyo’s too congested. I know what I’m doing.” I hope, she said to herself, but the sentiment leaked into her voice. “I know I’m being an idiot, but I kinda have to. I don’t think I have any other choices.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

“Me neither.” Riko’d never really tried, because whenever she did, it was unproductive anyhow. Wasn’t that how it worked? She supposed not for everyone.

“Make sure you charge your phone, and call if you need any help, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I don’t like this, but I told you you’re responsible enough to go on your own, so I’ll try to be understanding.” Riko tapped her foot against the floor of the train irritably.

“Thank you.”

“Please just check in, though. To let me know you’re okay.” Riko sighed. Under her, down the side of the mountain, at its base, there was a village with a large number of lights on. It was on the edge of a large city. The lights were concentrated more towards the center of the village, so Riko guessed there was something going on there, but she couldn’t figure out what.

“I’ll check in,” she said. “I will. Okay?”

“Thanks. I’ll feel better.” Riko’s mother was holding something back. “Good night. I shouldn’t keep you distracted any longer, I don’t think.”

“Good night.” The phone beeped as the call disconnected. Riko stared at it. None of this seemed right, none of what she was doing, and she felt it in her stomach. It was a sick feeling, but not a queasy one. Otherwise, she felt like normal, and didn’t like that.

She opened up the music app on her phone and put her earphones in. The cabin was quiet, as few people were on this train, especially at this time of night. This was what she’d wanted. She had two more transfers before she got to her destination. She just had to wait it all out.

 

2---  
Her first stop was at a train station that, thankfully, had an open cafe. The barista was new, though, and had no idea what Cafe au Lait meant (despite it being on the menu), but tried anyways. It didn’t seem like she’d even been trained.

The benches were steel and cold, and outside of the station, technically. She sat on the platform besides the train tracks. The roof stretched from the edge of the building, over the platform, and a light beat down on her. There weren’t any other lights on the platform, so it was probably the only place she could find where she could read.

The time passed, like time does. From under the surface of the silence, her phone rang, often with messages from her mother or her friend. Neither of them really had much to say. Her mother wanted to know if she was sleeping soon, her friend wanted to know what she was up to.

Right now, she was two people, neither of which she wanted to be. She was a friend to a person she never saw anyways. A person that just wondered why Riko didn’t speak up more, who tried telling her that things would be alright. But if you look far enough into the future, there are no promises, are there? Only uncertainty.

The sky spoke a few bright words, but there was an overwhelming, dark silence. Clouds kept up their watch, giving the dark silence character. It was all there was to be there in the darkness. All there was to occupy the time. For the sky, it was a matter of needing to exist, even when the sun had left it. For Riko, it was simply a matter of needing something to stare at.

“It’s a little more important to you, isn’t it?” she asked the sky.

She laughed at herself, and heard the train coming, right on time. A light on the front illuminated the night. As it approached, it dimmed, but was still too bright. Riko didn’t really like it, but it’d take her to the next stop, so she guessed it was alright. She grasped her bag, and hoped that the inside of the train’d be warmer than the station was.

People had crowded the platform since she sat down. It was a large enough train station, this platform just wasn’t well tended. The personnel’d prob’ly replace the broken lights soon. It had character, she imagined her mother saying. Riko’d describe it as run down, underfunded, understaffed, but her mother saw the upside of things.

Riko didn’t mind being annoyed. She just didn’t like when things weren’t like they should be.

The train arrived, parked, and opened its doors. An old man gave a perfunctory “mind the gap” from the loudspeaker, then went back to a game of mahjong.

Inside the train, there were enough seats that Riko could sit alone. She put her backpack on the empty seat next to her, to take up space. Outside her window was the station, and this platform with the single light that disappeared when the train started moving. Trees blurred as they passed them. It was too dark to make out any details, though.

Her head ached, she hadn’t gotten any sleep tonight, and it was approaching two A.M. But she couldn’t sleep sitting up, and anyways she didn’t want to. Not until the ride was over.

She turned up the music on her earphones as the ride kept on.

She didn’t hear them, but she did feel them as they woke her up. Her music had kept playing the whole time she’d slept, and she knew it’d been less than thirty minutes because she was still listening to Chopin. Opening her eyes, her skull split from the pain, and her eyes were scratched up, but she forced herself to engage with the person who woke her up.

“Thanks,” Riko managed, pulling out her earphones. “Thanks. I didn’t want to be sleeping.” She checked, and her backpack was next to her, and hadn’t been tampered with, except for the fact that a girl was now on top of it. “Why didn’t you pull out the earphones, though?”

“I didn’t think of it,” the girl said. “Are you mad that I bothered you?”

“No. I don’t want to sleep until I’m in my hotel room. Plus I don’t want anyone stealing my backpack. So thanks.” Her eyes went down to look at it, and the girl realized that her knees were on it, and she was putting almost all her weight in her knees. She got off the backpack quickly.

“Sorrysorrysorry! I didn’t realize I wasn’t really thinking I just didn’t know when your stop was so I thought I’d wake you up cause we’re approaching the first stop and it’s pretty late and you probably didn’t want to miss it, especially this late so---”

Riko put a hand over the girl’s mouth. “That’s fine. My stop is the next one. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” the girl said. “You look so tired.”

“I am.” Riko, though, thought that the other girl looked pretty tired too. And even though she sounded and looked happy, like an old technicolor musical, it was like the celluloid film had degraded, and the associated sound too, and so the only record of that happy technicolor film was faded and the sound slightly tinny.

“Are you passing through Uchiura?” Riko didn’t know whether it was a good idea to answer or not, but didn’t have the clarity of mind to argue. She doubted this girl had any bad intentions anyways. She looked a little too expressive to be able to hide anything.

“Yeah. That’s my destination, actually. I’m staying there for the week.”

“Where are you staying at?”

“Takami Inn?” Riko said, trying to remember through the haze of tiredness.

“My family runs it! I can bring you there. Do you want me to? I’l. sit with you on the next train so you can sleep.”

“Sure, sure,” said Riko. She didn’t want to argue, she just picked up her backpack and put it on her lap. The girl understood and took the seat next to Riko. “M’ name’s Riko Sakurauchi. I’m from Tokyo. Call me Riko.”

“I’m Chika.”

“Mmh.” Riko didn’t last much longer than that, and fell asleep.

 

The second stop wasn’t as good as the first, but it’d had a vending machine, so Riko could at least get a snack to eat.

Having finished it, she tossed it into the garbage bin and hummed a song. She wanted to stay awake for the next thirty minutes that it took for the train to come. She didn’t think, though, that she’d succeed. Her consciousness was wavering and she couldn’t focus on anything except the train tracks.

When she woke up, being dragged by Chika into the train, she figured that she mind as well accept that she didn’t have an option but to sleep. She didn’t want to admit it, but she had to.

“So, why are you on the train this late, said Riko.

“I was in a competition, but we lost.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. We knew we would. We thought we could try, and I really hoped we could do something, but we weren’t good enough.”

“Welcome,” said Riko, without any tact, “to life.” She fell against the window and whimpered as she went to sleep. Chika stared at her, worried. It was almost five A.M., and she didn’t think that it was healthy what Riko was doing. She should talk to Riko while she’s staying at the inn. Maybe she could help, somehow.

Chika picked up her phone and saw the latest text from her sister.

 

3---  
Chika’s sister reached over to open the passenger door. She frowned when she saw Riko, who’d recovered a bit on the last train ride, but still had a defeated posture. She’d already been in a bad mood, and didn’t appreciate having to figure out what to do about this.

“She’s staying at the hotel. Could we give her a ride?” asked Chika. Her sister thought for a moment, gestured for Riko to get in the backseat, and faced forwards, hands on ten and two. Chika stared down at her hands, not wanting to face her sister.

When they’d been driving for a few minutes, she broached the subject.

“I’m sorry, Shima. I didn’t want to be there. I started running, and I couldn’t stop. We tried soooo hard. But I guess we were too normal after all. We couldn’t do anything to save the school.”

“You should deal with it, instead of making me drive to get you at five in the morning. I have the morning shift, you know. And you have to sleep, because I doubt you did on the train ride, so I can’t ask you to take over.” She didn’t sound angry so much as she sounded anxious and worn down.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you. I didn’t.”

“Then don’t run next time. Sometimes you fail. You accept it, move on. You can’t always fix it.” Chika nodded, and her sister looked in the rearview mirror. She wondered what the extra passenger thought of the conversation, but Riko seemed disinterested.

Shima recognized a few similarities between the passenger and her sister. Their posture, their mood, their expressions. She didn’t know this girl well enough to interfere, though, so she focused on the road.

“How long are you staying, you back there?” Shima asked. Riko pulled her gaze from the window to look towards her. Shima’s eyes stared at her via the rearview. “Yeah you. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Shima Takami, this idiot’s sister.”

“I’m Riko Sakurauchi.”

“Mmm. How long’re you staying with us?”

“Until next Saturday, so a little over a week.” Shima seemed to slow down a bit as she heard that. She recovered her speed, but couldn’t get that off her mind. She’d remembered someone’d made a reservation, but she’d thought it’d be a business woman, not a girl who was, prob’ly, in high school. A college freshman at oldest.

Life surprises you, constantly.

“I hope you enjoy your stay,” said Shima. She only suddenly realized how stiff her grip on the steering wheel had gone.  
“Hey Riko,” said Chika. “Let’s go down to the beach later?”

Riko stared out the window of the car. They were driving along the side of the ocean now, and had been for the past few minutes, so Riko could see it, a little bit, in the darkness. She could see the moon reflected in the water, the shifting light over the water’s wavy surface. She had a week she didn’t know what she was doing with. 

“Mind as well,” Riko said.

“Great,” said Chika.

“I’ll buy you something to eat if you show me around town, too.” The car lurched as it stopped at a traffic light, and Riko nearly didn’t hear what Chika said next.

“No. I’ll be happy to do it,” Chika said.

“I’d feel guilty otherwise.”

“Knowing Chika she’ll probably buy something for you and sneak it into your suitcase as repayment,” said Shima.

“Oooh! Good idea sis!”

“Don’t give her ideas,” said Riko. “Also that’s a little weird.”

“She’s an employee of the inn, so it’s all kosher.”

When they got out at the hotel, Riko noticed for the first time that Chika was wearing an outfit--- an outfit that got ruined when she fell, and parts of the skirt that were crumpled, prob’ly because of underwiring that she snapped so she could sit down. Chika also had a lotta makeup on.

Riko went to ask about the get-up, but Shima put a hand on her shoulder. Chika ran inside, making her unable to be asked now. “Come on. We shouldn’t check you in this early, but you’re a mess and you kept my sister company on the train ride.”

“It’s more like she kept me company,” said Riko.

“You kept her company too. I’m glad you did, she’s had a long day.” Shima didn’t say anything. Her hand stayed on Riko’s shoulder, so Riko didn’t know if she should move or not. “You should ask her about. I’m guessing that, based on how you look, you’re a little troubled yourself.”

Shima released Riko’s shoulder and lead her into the hotel.


	2. Why You?

Second Part: Why You?  
4---  
“Riko! Room service!” yelled Chika, right on time. Riko opened the door for her, giving her the smile she gave when she met people so they thought she was normal. “Ready to go to the beach?” Chika asked. “I have to do your room and another and then I’m done for the day.”

“I’ll wait in the lobby then?”

“Sure! My sister’s toddler’s in there. She’s so cute, you should play with her.” Chika began cleaning up the sheets and doing the bed. Watching her do this felt oddly wrong. Riko knew that people did room service, that sometimes families owned inns or hotels, that this especially happened in small villages and sometimes towns.

It didn’t prepare her for watching someone her age clean up after her. It was, in some indefinable way, uncomfortable for her to watch. She glanced at the door. “I’ll be in the lobby then. Please be careful with everything.”

“Of course!” said Chika. “I’m a professional!”

The hallway wasn’t much better. It was almost noon, so a lot of people were going in and out to go to lunch, or to the pool, or returning from lunch. Riko tried to avoid the gazes of all of them. They wouldn’t talk to her, but she wasn’t taking any chance.

The elevator was the worst part. It was crowded, and Riko was afraid someone would end up asking her for directions or advice or how to use their phone. She made herself look as unsociable as possible, unaware how goofy it actually made her.

On the bright side, how goofy she looked made people less likely to talk to her.

The elevator opened up to a hallway, and the lobby was in sight. Riko’d sit in a corner and avoid any and all human contact. It’d make it so she could also prepare for Chika. This’d be a long day and she couldn’t ditch Chika, if only because she needed someone to show her the town. She had no idea where anything was.

Shima was at the front desk, talking to a girl. “She’ll be done with work in a few minutes,” Shima said. “She came in this morning with someone she met on the train.” Riko moved to the side of the hallway that put her further at the edge of Shima’s sight. Please don’t notice me, she thought.

“Someone she met on the train?” the girl asked Shima.

“Yeah. She’s staying at the hotel, it turns out. Chika said she’d show her around today.”

“Chika’s sad but she can play tour guide?” She crossed her arms on the top of the desk and rested her hands in them, with a hurt expression. Riko took this chance to start walking slowly towards the couches in the lobby. If she sits down, facing away from Shima… 

“I don’t know how,” said Shima. “I think she’s distracting herself from last night. It’s easy to handle something if you ignore it.”

“Not really,” said You. “But it helps in the short term, I guess.”

“Anyways, life goes on. Chika can’t act sad forever, and I think she knows that. Oh, there’s the girl now. Hey, Riko!” Riko froze, got into position to run, realized she’d put on a skirt that made running hard or impossible. She stood up straight, turned around, arms limp in front of her in a show of defeat. A forced smile hung on her face.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Did you see Chika in the hallway?” asked Shima.

“She’s doing housekeeping. She said she’d come and give me a tour when she’s done.”

“Why you?” asked the girl. She realized that she’d said it outloud, covered her mouth. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“It’s… fine,” Riko said. Should she walk over? Would that be polite? Actually, the girl started approaching her. Riko put on her best I’m-not-a-dork face and relaxed her posture as much as she could.

“I’m her friend, Watanabe You. How was she last night?”

“I was too tired to pay attention.”

“Mind if I wait for her here with you? I have to talk to her,” said You. 

“Th-that’d be fine,” said Riko. “My name’s Sakurauchi Riko.” Mechanically, awkwardly, she took a seat on a lobby couch and looked at anything but You. You took the seat across from her, which made this kind of hard.

Riko looked up at You out of curiosity. The first thing she noticed was that You was very, very pretty. Gray hair cut short and cute, very strong arms that made Riko think of how nice it’d feel to be held by them. When You saw Riko staring, Riko’s face went hot. Goddammit, she thought. Don’t stare at pretty girls in awkward situations. It makes things worse.

“Hey,” said You. “How’d you two meet?”

“She woke me up when I fell asleep on a train.”

“Oh. Um, did she seem okay today?”

“I think so,” said Riko. “She might’ve been pretending. She had work to do.”

“You can tell how she’s feeling by how she acts. It might not be immediately obvious, but you can.” You leaned forwards, linking her fingers together and putting her entangled fingers in front of her face.

Don’t ask, don’t ask, don’t get involved, Riko told herself.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Goddammit.

“We… were competing in a competition. Love Live. We thought we could bring attention to our school. It’s going to close down unless there's a miracle. There were six of us, and Dia almost joined, but we lost in the first round. We didn’t have a great song. We couldn’t dance all that great.” You smiled up at Riko with a very I’m-not-okay face. “It hit us all hard, but I think it hit Chika the hardest. I missed her all last night. We’re best friends, y’know? I wish I could help.”

Goddammit.

Riko sat next to You and put an arm around her. You started crying. Riko didn’t see how she could give anyone comfort, but it seemed to be working. You’s tears slowed but didn’t end. She seemed more centered, though not really okay.

“I… came here to take a break. I don’t know Chika, really. But, um, I’ll help you talk to her, if I can, okay? Okay?” You nodded, and suddenly buried her head in Riko’s shoulder. Riko, not knowing how to react, ran a hand down her back. It seemed like the thing to do.

Chika walked into the lobby, and saw Riko and You. Her face had a lot of confusion. Riko waved to her awkwardly and gestured for her to come. Chika came over to You and Riko, and bent forwards so she was at eye level with You.

“You?” she asked. Riko felt You go stiff in her arms. You sniffled, pulled away, and looked at Chika. Neither of them said a word, and Riko wondered if it’d be okay to slip back to her room. Prob’ly not.

“Please. Don’t scare me like that again.”

Chika nodded. Riko saw the timer ticking in her head. Counting down.

“I’ll help if I can. Please tell me I can.” The timer counted down to zero.

Chika stood up. Riko noticed tears welling up along the edge of her eyes. She ran, in shame. Shima called, “Chika!” Chika ran despite that.

Riko expected You to chase after her, but she didn’t. You only watched her leave. “Aren’t you going to go after her?” You shook her head, and wiped off the tears using her hand.

“I don’t think I will. I don’t think she wants to talk right now.” While she’d spoken, her phone beeped, and she took it out. Chika’d sent her a text that said: sorry

You shoved the phone back in her pocket, as if she didn’t want to acknowledge the message. She smiled at Riko. “She said she’d give you a tour right? Do you mind me instead?”

“That’d be okay,” said Riko. 

“I’ll tell Shima.” You took out her phone, staring at it confusedly. “Would… you use my phone to tell Chika that, too? Tell her anything you want to tell her, too.” Riko took the phone, and nodded. You went over to the front desk to tell Shima.

Riko texted: You gave me her phone and said to tell you she’d show me around. I’ll see if I can come by to talk later. Okay? With You too?

Chika texted: sorry for this. you can come by if you want. id feel sad seeing You tho

Riko put the phone face down on the couch.

“What,” she muttered, “have I gotten myself into?”

“What?” asked You, approaching. She reached for her phone.

“Nothing,” said Riko. “I was thinking about the ocean.” You read the text. Riko, if she had any authority over what You did with her own phone, would’ve told her not to look. A pained expression passed across You’s face. 

“Let’s start with the ocean. Then I’ll introduce you to Kanan. She might be willing to let you try water-skiing free.”

 

5---  
“So, why Uchiura?” asked You. “It’s pretty far from anything, y’know, that people want to see?” She paddled the canoe out into the water, a parasol mounted in the center of it casting shade over them. Her dad’d made it, she said, one day after she got sunburnt.

“Ever heard of the photographer Suzuki Sunakawa?” asked Riko.

“Nope.”

“She did a photo exhibition in Tokyo. There was a series of photos she took on a train, on a track that ran along the side of a mountain. The pictures were of the cities below, all their lights on, like little colonies of stars. I didn’t think the photos were that pretty.

“But lately, I’ve thought it’d be nice to go on a trip. So I packed a few days worth of clothes and bought the cheapest train ticket that went on those same tracks the photographer travelled. And what I thought was, the lights of those small cities below really were beautiful.

“And the cheapest train ticket along that path lead to Uchiura, so I made reservations for the hotel. The train ride was maybe eight hours long, plus some stops here and there. On the train ride, I met Chika, and then I met you, and that’s why I’m in a canoe with a parasol.”

“I don’t know what my dad was thinking,” said You, eyeing the parasol. “It does remind me he cares. That must’ve been what he was thinking.” A horn blew somewhere out in the sea. You watched for the boat that gave off the noise.

Waves rocked the canoe, most of them not very much, but a large wave came every so often, making Riko glad she left her phone at the beach. You had too, and every so often looked back at the sands where they’d left their things, to check if they were there.

“How’d you afford the trip? Summer job?” asked You. She was distracted, but didn’t want to be unsociable. She liked talking to Riko. If there was a single upside to everything that happened since they lost, that was it.

“No. I played piano and won some competitions. I never spent any of the money, so I had a lot saved up,” said Riko

“If I had that much money I’d buy a lot of fabric.”

“Oh?”

“I make dresses and skirts and stuff as a hobby. I’ve sold some, though, and we’ve used them for our performances in Love Live. I get some orders now and again.” In spite of some surfacing sadness, You had pride as she said that. 

“Make a lot of money?”

“Yes. No. I mean, yes, but I use it all to make more clothes. It’s fun, but I have no money for anything.” She smiled cutely. Riko knew that it made herself blush. “It's a hobby that feeds on itself,” said You.

“So, You,” said Riko, grabbing the paddle from her. You handed it over and backed up a little bit.

“Yeah?”

“Is there anywhere to eat? I haven’t had breakfast or lunch, so.”

“Paddle into shore. We’ve been in the canoe for thirty-some minutes, and I should check my phone.”

At the shore they stretched their legs, and You picked up her phone. She grimaced at the screen and pocketed it. Turning to Riko she said, “No messages.” She slumped, a little more optimism drained outta her. Riko put a hand on her shoulder. “Do you like ramen?”

“Yeah.”

“There’s not really a lot going on in Uchiura. We’ll see more if we take the train to Numazu.” You looked out over the ocean. “Everyone’s been thinking the same thing.” Riko was confused, but it came to her as they climbed the stairs up from the beach.

“You mean your school?”

“Yeah.”

You pointed to the top of a hill. There was a building there, too small to be seen in any detail, but Riko knew it was the school, especially with You’s longing stare. “I’ll miss it.” You’s face became grim. “I’m more worried about Chika. She tied herself into this. Our loss was her loss. The rest of us, we’ll be okay.

“Sorry,” said You. “I keep bringing this up. This is your vacation, right?”

“Don’t be sorry. I like the distraction. Keep talking all you want.” They sat at the bus stop, You looking at Riko with considerate curiosity. She scooted up close to Riko to whisper to her, so that Riko’d have privacy if You’s hunch was right.

“Are you not doing okay?” You asked.

When the bus came, Riko hadn’t answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! Plus more oncoming. (There's a happy ending, I promise :p)
> 
> *whispers* I have no idea if piano competitions actually have cash prizes large enough to fun Riko's trip, but let's pretend that's the case, okay?
> 
> Okay.


	3. I Have to Get Up, Don't I?

Third Part: I Have to Get Up, Don’t I?  
7---  
There was a quiet knock against the door. Chika, of course, didn’t answer. She didn’t get up to open it, didn’t speak up. She laid in her bed, thinking about what exactly she could do to save the school. She failed Love Live, but maybe she could manage something else. Maybe. She doubted it though. 

There were three louder knocks and the yelled order, “You better open these gates or my powers will knock it down! I, the fallen angel Yohane---”

“Could you afford to pay to repair the door? And the door frame?” asked Hanamaru.

“Zuramaru! She won’t listen to my threat if my threat’s empty!”

“Come in!” said Chika, who’d rather get this over with at this point. She clenched her fists, grabbing folds of the blanket as she did. The doorknob turned, and the first years came in, Yoshiko then Hanamaru then Ruby. Hanamaru looked for a place to sit and just sat on the floor. Yoshiko took her lead. Ruby went over to Chika and leaned on the edge of the bed, head in her hands, troubled face.

Yoshiko stared at the outfit on the floor from last night, the one Chika wore during their performance. She didn't really want to remember last night, but then again, last night was why they were here. And she remembered two things.

Long before last night. Chika, You, Hanamaru, Ruby showing up at her house to tell her they’d be friends with her, no matter what. Chika saying, “we won’t leave you, I promise.” Hanamaru agreeing, then You and Ruby. How nice it felt to hear that.

And she remembered last night. They’d waited for the results to show up on the screen. They blinked into place. They read the names of the winners. Ruby and Hanamaru hugged her, and she hugged them. They’d lost. “Chika!” she heard You yell, and the first years split from their hug, and looked at You, who was struggling through the crowd.

And on the edge of the crowd was Chika, running away from all of them. We won’t leave you, Yoshiko’d heard last night, even though no one said it.

“I wish we knew the door was unlocked,” said Yoshiko. “We could’ve walked in.”

“That would’ve been rude, Yoshiko,” said Hanamaru, arms crossed.

“It’s Yoha-! Yeah, it would’ve been. But she ran away.”

“Don’t talk about her like she’s not here,” said Hanamaru.

Ruby poked Chika to see if she was awake. Chika shifted under the blankets and sat up on the bed, blanket falling away from her. Unhidden, they could see that she hadn’t given in completely to the events of the past day. She could even smile, a little, bit, but the edges of her face held the weight of her embarrassment.

“I’m sorry we lost,” Chika said. “I should’ve done better.” Months of work and two attempts and this time they didn’t get passed the second round. Practice after school every weekday and they lost in the first round, to people who’d practiced as much as them, but their schools had more people, more money.  
Hanamaru turned to look at her. “It’s alright. We all had fun.”

“We didn’t do anything, though. We were in dead last.” 

“No we weren’t,” said Ruby.

“We were close to last.” Chika smiled like a guilty child. “We failed. So badly. It was all worthless.”

Yoshiko felt anger bubble up inside her. That wasn't the problem at all.

“You said you wouldn’t leave me behind,” said Yoshiko. “We can lose all we want. I’ve gotten used to it.” Yoshiko looked directly away from Chika. Hanamaru reached a hand over to her, but Yoshiko swatted it away. “I’m not used to being left behind. It’s happened so often I should be, but I’m not.”

“Yoshiko…” said Hanamaru. She didn’t really know how to deal with this, so she tried moving closer. Yoshiko scooted away from her.

“Don’t leave me behind like that, okay? I don’t like it. L-losing was okay. Winning would’ve been great, but losing is okay. Okay?” Chika didn’t say a word. Yoshiko closed her eyes. “Okay?” She clenched her fists. Ruby and Hanamaru looked at Chika, who was laying back down. “Answer me goddammit!” She turned to look at Chika, and saw her laying down, facing the wall instead of her.

Yoshiko ran out of the room. Hanamaru got up to follow her. “Ruby? Coming with or staying?” asked Hanamaru. Ruby nodded and stood up.

Ruby made to leave, but instead leaned over Chika, and whispered into her ear, “This was all so amazing, and I’d do it again.” Then, as she left, she said more loudly. “I’d like you to apologize to Yohane first, Chika.”

Chika curled up more in her bed, flinching as she heard the door shut.

“I… have to get up. Don’t I?” she said.

 

“Yoshiko!” yelled Hanamaru. It’d taken thirty minutes to find Yoshiko, who’d run all the way to a nearby park.

“No!” said Yoshiko, up at the top of a tree, where, she’d hoped, she wouldn’t have been found. Most people wouldn’t look for their friend in a tree. She clung tightly, protecting her ability to keep a distance from Hanamaru. Hanamaru got on the bench and reached for a branch, but fell when she tried to pull herself up. She cupped her hands around her mouth.

“Yoshiko!”

“No!” Yoshiko grabbed a pine cone and threw it at Hanamaru. It missed, but made Hanamaru angry. She grabbed the pinecone and tossed it back at Yoshiko.

“Yohane! If you don’t get down here right now I’ll curse you so that you’ll be trapped in a world created by a false, evil god and you’ll be put through pain and suffering every day of your whole forsaken next life!”

Yoshiko climbed down the tree, dropping herself for the last five or six feet. “How’s that different from this life,” she said. Hanamaru wrapped her arms around her friend and squeezed her tightly. “Let me breathe please.” Hanamaru squeezed tighter.

“This life is different because you have me and Ruby and Chika and You and Mari. We’ll never leave you behind, not all of us.”

“What about Chika?” asked Yoshiko. She was grateful when Hanamaru loosened up her grip a bit.

“One time, I went up to the roof after school, looking for my water bottle. It was up there, which I was thankful for. I really like that water bottle.

“So, I get to the top of the roof, and Chika’s there, practicing. She was failing. A lot. She was barely keeping time. I think she’d been practicing for hours, at least, and had gotten so tired she couldn’t do anything anymore.

“She laid down, fell asleep, and I grabbed my water bottle. I don’t think she knows I ever saw her. I think Chika tried too hard and got hurt. She wasn’t taking care of herself. The rest of us practiced a lot, I know, but none of us more than her.”

Yoshiko failed to pull herself outta the embrace. “But You had both Idol and swim practi-”

“She could manage her time. Chika couldn’t. You was also prob’ly used to the exercise.” Hanamaru thought for a moment. “She’s prob’ly also more used to losing, too. This is the first big thing Chika did, and she chose a pretty high goal to aspire to.” Hanamaru finally let go of Yoshiko and sat on a nearby bench. She patted the spot next to her, and Yoshiko joined her.

“She should apologize to you. She hurt you. I’m only trying to help you understand.”

“Right,” said Yoshiko.

“Come on,” said Hanamaru. “Ruby’s getting us some juice from a machine. We can take a drink and hang out.”

 

Talking on the phone, Ruby nodded out of habit and said, “Yeah. Hanamaru’s been gone for a moment or two, so she probably found Yoshiko. I convinced my sister not to go scream at Chika. I think that might make it worse.”

“Who’re you talking to?” asked Hanamaru.

“They’re back. Text me if anything else comes up, okay?” Ruby hung up and looked at her friends. “It was You. She asked how it went when we checked on Chika. She said she started a groupchat but you didn’t answer and Yoshiko took herself out of it. You said she added you back, though.”

“I’m taking myself out,” said Yoshiko. “I’m not in ‘til she apologizes.”

“Tell You so she doesn’t add you again,” said Hanamaru. 

“Good idea.” Ruby handed Yoshiko a can of juice and passed on what You’d told her.

“You said she’s busy showing someone the town. They might head to Numazu later.”

“What’ll we do?”

“Nothing,” said Yoshiko. “Maybe play video games. I can’t do anything right now.” She took a long gulp of the juice and through it in the garbage. “You two can join me, I’d like it, but I won’t be very talkative.” She sounded weak.

“I’ll go with,” said Hanamaru.

“I’m going home, I think. I’ll see you two tomorrow,” said Ruby.

“See you, Ruby,” said Hanamaru.

8---  
“I can understand that,” said You, talking on the phone. "I don’t think anyone’s taking this well but Chika… she’s not being good. I’d say. I’ll talk to you later, Yoshiko. Thanks for taking the time to call.” You set down her phone and leaned over the cafe table. “Sorry Riko,” she said.

“Don’t be. I’m having a nice time.” She had a small latte that was, overall, very good but this cafe put too much cream in it. Granted, Riko’d asked for extra cream, but this was excessive.

“You don’t look like it,” said You, picking herself up. She took a sip of coffee. She’d gotten better over the course of the day, but whenever anything reminded her of Chika or Love Live, she ended up staring towards the approximate location of the school.

“I don’t look like much, lately.”

“Why?” You looked concernedly at Riko, who faked a smile and laughed.

“Nothing, nothing. I haven’t had time to make-up my face is all.” There must be a way, Riko thought, to get out of this direction of conversation. You didn’t push the subject though, so she let her guard down and people-watched while they waited for the time to pass.

“So, what do you do for fun?” You asked.

“Piano,” answered Riko, more from habit than from honesty. She curled and uncurled her fingers. “And reading. I read a lot.” You sat up, interested.

“Yeah. You said you played piano in competitions right?”

“Some. I generally do pretty well, and I’ve played for some family and family-friends.”

“Hey, wanna play for me?”

“What?” Riko clasped the table tightly. Red ran across her face, which Riko hid by putting her hand over her face.

“I’d like to hear you play, Riko.”

Riko shook her head. She couldn’t think of anything to say in response, so she filled her mouth with the latte. The coffee hadn’t cooled down very much, so she spit it out, her tongue sticking out as she breathed, trying to cool down her mouth. She swung her arm on accident and it hit the floor, the cap falling off, and the coffee spilling along the hardwood flooring. Riko’d ordered an extra-large cup, and was learning the meaning of regret. You was laughing wildly.

“Nice,” she said, between two spurts of laughing. When she recovered, Riko grabbed her by the arm and started leading her to the utensil station. “What’re you doing?”

“Getting paper towellings.”

“To do what?”

“To clean up that mess, and you’re helping me. Servers don’t get paid for this much bullshit.”

“I’ll help then,” said You, taking a pile of napkins with her back to the table. When Riko joined her, she laughed again, and even more when one of the waitresses came over to help her.

“So, Riko, I haven’t forgotten that I asked you to play piano for me.”

“Dammit,” Riko threw a soaked napkin up the top of the table, and felt her tongue which felt numb and almost seared. “I was hoping you had.”

“Did you do this on purpose?”

“I wouldn’t burn my tongue on purpose.” Riko gathered most of the soaked napkins and went to throw them into the trash. When she got back, You was smiling at her.

“You’re such a dork,” You said. “It’s cute.” Riko did her best to ignore that. “So you should play piano for me.”

“I knew that was coming.” Riko threw another napkin onto the tabletop.

 

The sun was beginning to set on the first day. They’d been in Numazu for the rest of the afternoon, managing to get along for the most part. Riko’d even say the day went pretty okay, despite how it started.

They both stared out the window. Riko was so focused she hadn’t heard what You’d said. She shook her head and turned to her. “What was that?”

“I said, thanks for staying with me today.” You tapped on her leg. “I liked spending time with you, okay? I needed to have a little fun.”

“You’re the one who showed me around,” said Riko.

“Still.” You sulked in her seat, and pulled out her phone. “Chika said she’s doing better. I don’t know whether to trust that. Even though, y’know, I should. She’s my bestie, and I can’t. Do anything.” You chewed on her lips, eyes to the roof. Riko put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, thinking it wouldn’t, at least, do any harm. 

She bristled when You leaned against her, but let it pass. It didn’t make much of a difference anyhow. She’d be leaving in seven days. All of this could be put behind her as one weird, adventurous memory.

 

“Yeah, mom? I’m doing fine. Someone showed me around, I have my bearings.  
“Yeah. Yeah.  
“Thanks.  
“...”

 

“Love you too, mom.”

 

9---  
“Me and You made plans,” said Riko the following morning. “I’m sure she’d like to see you, though.” She folded a shirt and pulled the blanket up on the bed, adjusting it so that there weren’t any wrinkles. Chika sat in the chair, having been told that Riko’d do everything herself.

“I…” said Chika. “I’ll have to see her at school tomorrow.”

“Face your problems, Chika. It’s what my counselor says we’re supposed to do.” Riko ran a rag over the table in the room. “He’s a quack, but he says it.” She rubbed the rag hard onto the tabletop. One stain was very, very stubborn.

“You have a counselor.”

“No deflecting,” said Riko.

“Why’d you come to Uchiura?” asked Chika. No response came. Riko kept cleaning this and that that she’d gotten dirty, and put the dirty towel from her bath onto a pile with dirty rags and a closed trash bag. “I wanted to ask you yesterday, but you met Y… You first and I didn’t get the chance.”

Riko stared at Chika. “Tell me why you’re avoiding everyone.”

“I disappointed them,” Chika said with unexpected honesty. “I made them put in so much effort. I asked them to do this, and they did. They worked so hard, and we lost in the first round. This is the second time we did.” Chika stared out the window. She pointed at something. “Our school is on that hill. You can’t see it. It’s a great school, but no one wants to go there. It’s going to close down. We wanted to get people’s attention, to make them see how special we were.

“I didn’t expect we’d lose.”

Riko threw another rag into the pile of used rags and garbage.

She said, “They don’t care. I don’t care. In the end, as long as people have the things that make them happy, they don’t care. You doesn’t care as much that you lost. Talk to her, and you’ll see that.” Riko went over to the door and opened it. “I’m going with You to Numazu. Text her if you want to join us.”

Chika stared at the door as it closed, and spent a moment putting on her professional smile. She grabbed the towels and garbage and put them on the room service cart.

Out in the hallway, there weren’t too many people. It was the slow hours, after breakfast, before lunch, when everyone’s left or everyone’s returned, and no one has plans to leave until lunch. Chika appreciated this. She didn’t know how convincing her smile was.

The laundry room was empty except for the guy her parents paid to do the laundry for the inn. He smiled and waved and made small talk, the sort of person he was. Otherwise, he didn’t ask a thing, and didn’t presume to be anyone’s friend. Like a door, he was there to greet and do his job. Nothing more.

Having done most of her tasks, she went to the front desk to ask if Shima wanted to take a break. She still hadn’t paid her back for picking her up at the airport so early.

The lobby was clear, and Chika waved to Shima. “Sis? Do you want me to take over?” Shima nodded and left the desk. Chika took her place, stretched her arms forwards, and went through the itinerary for the expected arrivals. They were some, it was spring season and Uchiura was a budget destination, but not many.  
Chika almost jumped out of her skin when Yoshiko came in through the front door. Yoshiko had a similar reaction. Chika gestured for her to come behind the desk. “The room with the microwave’s a break room. Help yourself to anything except the fridge.”

“Okay,” said Yoshiko.

“My mother will switch out for the front desk in an hour. I’m sorry I’m not free now.” Yoshiko shook her head, eating some of the leftover rice and soup from the inn’s breakfast. She pulled out a small gaming console and played a game to while away the time.

Chika, when she could, stole a glance at Yoshiko. Enraptured by her game, Yoshiko didn’t notice. Despite the lack of communication, the atmosphere felt empty and uneven. Like clothes poorly put together, the neck’s collar a little too far to the right, one of the sleeves attached awkwardly, the body of the shirt a little crooked.  
It would’ve been nice not to think about it, but only one guest came, and unfortunately their reservation was in order, so they were only at the front desk for two, three minutes. That wasn’t much of a relief.

“Chika,” her mother said. “You’re off the clock.”

“Thank you.” Chika looked back at Yoshiko, who nodded back to her. “I’ll be up in my room with Yoshiko.

 

She sat on her bed, and Yoshiko sat next to her. Neither of them said a word for a bit.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to trust you for a while,” said Yoshiko. “I’m not forgiving you. I hate you, but…” Chika stared at Yoshiko, drained of her usual excitement. “You said we’d always be friends, right?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I ran. I couldn’t stop running. My legs carried me like the wind,” Chika said. She buckled at Yoshiko’s reaction, and laid back on her bed. “I’m an idiot. I should’ve said… that I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I should’ve apologized yesterday. I didn’t say a word.”

Yoshiko lied down next to Chika. “We lost,” Yoshiko said. “But I don’t think that means you need--- to--- to think it was worthless. I’m happier. You’ve made me happier. I was disappointed but, that didn’t mean it all was worthless.”

“I don’t know,” said Chika.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave me behind. Aqours was the first time in a while that I felt like that wouldn't happen." Yoshiko sat up, and got off the bed. She looked back, looming over Chika, and made a pose. “The great demon is going to go home now. She has a spectre to vanquish.” Chika smiled weakly. “See you tomorrow.” The words weren’t flat, but they weren’t satisfied either.

The room was quiet again. The shifting of Chika as she put herself under the covers again was the only sound. From outside the room came in other sounds. Soles of shoes against the carpet, conversations unintelligible, laughing, yelling, all muffled by the walls.

There is a state, where the person is no longer thinking, where the calm becomes the silence of the world staring back at them, and the moment is not only the length of when this is, but also the breadth of what they feel. At that moment, their emotions stare back at them. Souls bare of any lies they’ve told themself, but they might not learn. This isn’t a state of learning.

It’s a state of there being only that. It’s a lonely state, often only experienced when the person closes the world off. Sometimes it fades, leaving no resolutions in the minds of those it possesses. Sometimes, though, sometimes something breaks it. It’s fallen, it’s gone. Suddenly.

It doesn’t take anything special, because it’s not a profound state; it simply is, in the same way a person walks, or opens their mouth, or blinks. 

Through a window Chika’d forgotten to close, the light shined in, and bothered her eye. She covered herself under the blankets. She realized that she had left her homework at school. The doors were unlocked for the soccer club, which still held practices in spite of everything. She had to get her homework. She dialed Kanan’s numer on her phone and waited for her to pick up.

She might’ve failed, but there was school tomorrow, she thought.

And what that meant, and what she knew, even though she wasn’t so conscious of it, was that the world had never ended and everything would go on, despite her failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated, because I require external validation.
> 
> (Also feedback will help me know what edits I might have to make to later chapters.)
> 
> Looking through this story, I basically wrote Riko as being almost completely unable to solve her own problems, but being actually not bad at solving other people's problems, I think? Riko just doesn't wanna face her problems. I'm not sure if it's because she doesn't have the tools to handle it or because she's too afraid to. Maybe you'll be able to tell me when the work's over? Lol :p
> 
> I really like Yoshiko as a character . The fact that she's so silly makes it so sadder scenes aren't so sad, I feel like. Y'know, comedy relief.
> 
> Chika is unusually defeatist, but a lot of why is addressed in the next chapter, somewhat indirectly. I don't know how effective it'll be. Or maybe this chapter was actually effective enough at that.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm nervous about this fic because I'm basically using the characters (Riko especially) to work through a few of my own fears and anxieties and feelings. This makes this one of my more personal stories. So if something doesn't make sense, it might be because either a.) it's something that's particular to me, or b.) I held back a bit because I didn't wanna get too personal or in depth, even though this is the internet and I'm basically anonymous. I'm trying to make everything make sense though. I'm just aware and admitting I'm not always easy to understand.
> 
> At the same time, this story's a bit more optimistic than I am in real life. It's sorta wish fulfillment. So, this story will have a happy ending even though I don't know what to think of anything lately. It just will take a little time getting there (there's still nine updates that average about three-thousand words each).
> 
> I feel like all my commentaries are either short and impersonal, or long and too personal. I wonder what that says about me?
> 
> If you read this whole commentary, thanks. I hope you're having a nice day, or that you will soon.


	4. I Wish We Were Friends

Fourth Part: I Wish We Were Friends  
10---  
Dia had lost, she knew, the minute Ruby asked. When she’d said, “Please, Big siiis,” in that voice, the pouting voice, Dia went to grab the keys in a huff. She’d known Chika wouldn’t be able to do this, she knew that it wouldn’t turn out. On some level, she wanted to believe it would. Chika turned out to be very nice and very hardworking but---

For something like Chika winning to happen, a million things had to have lined up perfectly. Dia could’ve written their songs but You and Ruby were too busy with costumes to choreograph too. Hanamaru and Yoshiko had trouble keeping up with the training. Mari had to do paperwork for the school. Even if Dia’d helped, it wouldn’t’ve done a thing, except maybe gotten them past the first round.

Maybe, Dia thought, I should’ve helped. It might not have ended this horribly. It might’ve taken the weight off Chika. Imagine putting together everything she had, made it sound as good as she had, even though the results were so lackluster.

Some people are impressive, in spite of everything. Imagine what Chika could’ve done if given the chance to breathe a little, have the right training for more of what she had to take on herself.

“Get in,” said Dia, making her way to the driver’s side door.

“Thanks sis,” said Ruby, buckling up.

“I have some paperwork to finish by three o'clock tomorrow anyways. I can get some of it done. And I can watch Chika while she does every page of homework.”

“You’re the greatest sister,” said Ruby. Dia’s anger melted for the most part after hearing that. It wasn’t that her sister had her wrapped around her finger. Dia resisted most of Ruby’s insensible demands, no matter how much she begged. But, she wasn’t mad at Ruby, and knew how much this meant to Ruby.

And the look on Ruby’s face when she was home these past few days was… so sad.

“I’m going to miss you next year,” said Ruby. Dia heard in her tone that the sentiment ran deep. Ruby wasn’t just saying it to be nice.

“I’ll visit often,” said Dia. “I promise.”

Ruby picked up her phone. “Do you think I should tell You that Chika’s leaving her house for once?”

“If you think it’d do any good,” said Dia. She turned on the car’s engine and maneuvered the car out of the driveway. Something came to mind. “I get that you have a crush on Chika. I do. I also don’t think you have to do this much for her.” Ruby shook her head.

“She’d call you herself but she doesn’t have your number. And Kanan’s busy. Chika asked her.” They drove over a bump, and Dia found out she’d lead-footed the gas pedal. She put a little weight on the break to slow down.

“You said you visited her yesterday too. And today you’re coming with me to pick her up. She needs to pick herself up. You can’t do that for her.”

“Sis.”

“She screwed up by thinking she could do it. Not in this life, maybe in another one. She had too much to do herself.” Dia’s expression softened around the edges. “If I’d helped, things might’ve turned out better. But if I’d joined, I’d have let Mari win.”

“Why’d that be so bad?”

“She says she wants things to be back to normal. I can’t hate her for that. But, there’s nothing that can erase the past few years, okay? And I couldn’t join without talking to her, and…”

“It’s too hard to talk to people , isn’t it?”

“Funnily enough, Chika’s the one who’s been telling me to talk it out with her. Hypocrite.” Dia stopped suddenly, the car that she’d almost hit honking at her for her recklessness.

“Shouldn’t that mean you understand how she feels?” Dia thought about that. Ruby saw a car in the rearview, and the driver seemed to be getting impatient. She didn’t want to interrupt her sister though.

“I don’t like this. We’re all so stressed anyways. The school’s going to get closed down.” The car behind them honked their horn, but Dia didn’t pay it any attentio. “Maybe she could’ve fixed it. It was never a sure thing, though. She thought it was because she worked hard, but…

“That’s not. That’s not how it works.” Dia gave Ruby a thoughtful, melancholy smile. Ruby returned it. At this point Dia realized the person was honking at her, and got going down the road. “Dammit.” Once she knew she was in better territory, she said, “and being so nice to her probably won’t make her fall in love with you.”

“I know,” said Ruby.

“I’m glad you’ve realized that.”

 

Chika’s eyes drooped, but she did manage a smile. 

The school halls echoed when they were empty, if you yelled loud enough. That was one thing that Chika’d miss, though maybe the halls in her new school’d echo too. She’d find out after tomorrow’s tomorrow. Tomorrow she only had to make it up to Yoshiko somehow. Somehow, somehow. She could get her a gift.

“Hey, Ruby, what would Yoshiko want as a gift! I have to make it up to her! What’d make her happy!” It was inconvenient screaming down the halls. “Wait a sec!” Chika ran towards Ruby and Dia. Dia stepped out of the way so she wouldn’t be tackled if Chika wasn’t able to stop. 

Chika skidded across the floor and landed face-first on the floor in front of Ruby. Ruby knelt down and held out a hand for Chika, but Chika jumped up on her own, dusting off her clothes.

“Your speeds are zero and seventy, and nothing in between,” Dia said. “That’s not normal.”

“I’m not okay,” said Chika smiling. “But I get to see you all every day. Ruby, You, Hanamaru, Yoshiko, Mari, and you, Dia.” Chika hugged both Ruby and Dia, one in each arm. “I have that to look forwards to, right? I disappointed everyone, but, you’re still my friends, right? I’m happy enough to be… to be me. Normal, smiley me. That’s okay, right?”

“If it helps you cope,” said Dia.

 

“What do you think, sis?” Ruby whispered later, while they worked in the student council room.

“She’ll be fine.”

“Hey, Dia! How do you do this one?” Chika called from the other side of the room. She waved her hand in the air, holding a pencil. Dia looked at Ruby next to her.

“Have Ruby help you. I have to fill out another two sheets of paperwork Kimiko forgot.” Dia grumbled under her breath partially for effect and partially because Kimiko had a really bad habit of not doing the work when she was told and forgetting to do it later.

Ruby walked over to Chika and sat next to her. She studied the problem, and did it herself to figure out what Chika was doing wrong. When she’d figured it out, she showed Chika, who was either staring at nothing at all, or staring at the solution Ruby was giving her.

“Oh, Chika! I thought of something!” Ruby said in the middle of it.

“What? I have to figure out this problem.”

“You’re oddly focused,” said Dia, shaking her head at how Kimiko had let the ink run.

“Necessity is the mother of motivation!”

“Do you mind if I call You, to tell her you’re here?” Ruby asked. Chika’s faced couched itself in a number of emotions, not sure which one to lie down in. Chika’s face tilted, finally, into something that was sad, but ready for what was coming at it.

“Yeah. I think that’d be a good idea."

11---  
You licked her ice cream, but it was already melting and running down the cone, down her hands, over her fingers and the ridges between her fingers. Riko wanted to tell her, but You only listened half the time. She seemed to think things were worse than they prob’ly were.

Well, we have something in common, thought Riko.

The bus made another stop to drop off a few passengers, which snapped You out of her trance. She grabbed some tissues from her beg and desperately cleaned up the rivers of melted ice cream on her fingers. The tissues didn’t take off the stickiness though. You grimaced.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” she said.

“I did. Twice.” 

“Tell me harder. I mean, louder.” You resorted to trying to lick off the stickiness while holding the cone upright in a valiant but feeble effort. Riko gave a weak smile.

“I’ll miss you after this week,” said Riko. You nodded, and used her free hand to throw her phone out from her pocket onto the bus’s upholstery. “What?”

“Put your number in my phone,” said You. “When you go back to, you only said once, was it Tokyo or Kyoto? When you go back, we can text. Maybe I’ll visit. My dad likes the museums there.”

“Th-thank you.” Riko picked up the phone and opened it up. Unlike Riko, You didn’t use a passcode. She was a very trusting person.  
The wallpaper for the home screen was a picture of her and Chika, smiling and posing together in front of a mascot of some sort. Up close, Riko noticed the mascot was just a costume. The costume’s helmet was slipping off the body, making it too far to the left for a living person to be inside.

Riko went into You’s contacts and added her own number.

“I’ll give it to Chika too,” said You. “She might want to talk to you too, after I talk you up to her.”

“Wha?” said Riko. You bit into the ice cream cone and devoured it quickly as she could. Her cheeks puffed out, filled as much as she could fill them. She swallowed over the course of a half-minute.

“You’ve been a great listener. And you’re interesting. I don’t know many people who won piano competitions. Competitions are hard. So’s music.” You licked some ice cream off her fingers. “You’ve been really good company too, not complaining when I complained.”

“You’re worried about your friend. That’s something it’s okay to complain about.” Outside the window, she saw the sun over the sea, bright and shiny. It was evening, but it wouldn’t set for a few more hours. “I can’t believe Chika came so late.”

“She said she forgot her homework in her desk. She was gonna get it after the competition, but…”

“Ah, yes.” You crumpled up the napkins and made shots at a garbage can. She didn’t miss any of them except the last. “I wish we were friends,” Riko added unconsciously.

“Aren’t we?” asked You, concerned. 

“Yeah.”

“It’s been really bugging me.”

“What has?”

“Something about you. It makes me worried,” said You. Riko closed her eyes, took a breath and made a smile. She doubted You thought it was honest, but You wouldn’t push her very far. Not when she had to talk to Chika soon.

“I’m fine,” said Riko.

“Okay,” said You. 

She picked up her phone. Riko wasn’t paying attention, she was watching a man who was carrying a bird with him for some reason. On the other side of the hill the school was on was a small town. Maybe that town had a pet shop or a veterinarian. Rationally, it made sense. That guy holding a bird on a bus.

Riko’s phone beeped, and she wondered if it was her mother. She went into her messages and saw a message saying only: Yousoro! from someone not in her contacts.

You tapped her on her shoulder and said, “Yousoro! Did it go through?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

The bus came to the top of the hill, and You and Riko got out at the next stop. The school was a ten minute walk from them. You took a breath, grabbed Riko’s hand, saying, “sorry.” They started on their way to the school, where a lot of words would be said.

“It’ll be okay,” said Riko.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” said Riko. I mean, she thought, I might be wrong. Maybe there’s a lot of things that will go wrong with this. But I know what’ll make you happy to have heard, so that’s what I’ll say. I’ll say what has to be said.

“Thanks for being here,” said You.

They passed Dia’s car, warm from the time it spent in the sun. The school got larger as they got closer. It loomed over You, like a beast, and reached to unattainable height in Riko’s eyes. The doors were the maw of a monster, or the the gate to the inside of a palace. It all depended on who the person looking was.

You opened the front door with her left hand, her right squeezing one of Riko’s hands. “Keep me centered, okay?”

“Okay.”

The halls were empty like a graveyard. Riko, at her high school in the city, came in late one day to help her friend with the school newspaper. Even then, there’d been activity in the halls or the classrooms. Teachers walking or mumbling as they graded papers, students working on homework or waiting in detention. For the halls to be so quiet was disheartening.

You knocked on the student council door as soon as she reached it. The door opened, and Chika stood in the doorway. Neither of them said a word. You nervously grasped Riko’s hand. “It’s okay,” You said. Chika wrapped her arms around You.

“I know.”

Because You felt better, she let go of Riko’s hand. It shouldn’t’ve made Riko annoyed, but it did. The smallest things could annoy her. She hated that part of herself.

“I missed you,” said You.

“I missed you too,” said Chika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... We still have eight chapters left, you know.
> 
> Dia's a complicated character in this story, I think. You'll see more of that nearer the end. In some ways she ends up being one of the most important characters, even though that wasn't intended when I started writing the first chapter.
> 
> This is the last chapter before we *finally* start getting into Riko's head. It's been slow-going, maybe, but necessary. I hope. After this the story focuses more on Riko, but this is the chapter, I think, sorta set up the story to be an ensemble story. It became a lot more exciting for me when I thought of it that way. So Riko goes in and out of focus, but she's still the center of the story. A lot of this story wouldn't be happening without her.
> 
> This chapter's kinda short (I remembered it being longer...), so next chapter might be up tomorrow. I doubt anyone eagerly anticipates this story, but I hope some of you are enjoying it :p


	5. Sun is Setting, Time to Go.

Fifth Part: Sun is Setting, Time to Go  
12---  
The setting sun played on the horizon, spilling shades of paint on the sky and water. Waves lapped the shoreline, and the supports of the dock. You and Riko’s feet rested in the waters, their shoes next to them on the beach.

“I have school tomorrow, so I can’t stay too long,” You said. “Maybe we can have lunch afterwards? You’re lucky your break is this week.”

“Yeah, I am,” said Riko.

“I’m lucky too.” You flashed her a smile. “I might’ve been too afraid to make up with Chika if you hadn’t come.”

“You did everything,” Riko said.

“I should go visit when we have break. I’ll bring Chika too, maybe. Hanamaru wants to see the city, she said. Ruby’ll wanna come if Hanamaru does. Yoshiko won’t want to be left out if everyone but her’s going. Mari’ll go, maybe. I don’t know about her. She spends most of her time bothering Kanan.”

“You have a lot of friends,” said Riko. She managed to not let any bad-feeling leak into her voice. She made it sound like small talk. Jealousy wasn’t a pleasant mask to wear.

“I met most of them through Chika. We became close quickly. It was nice. Most people don’t let you get that close to them, y’know?” You moved closer to Riko, and was excited when Riko didn’t mind the reduction in space.

“Everyone’s caught up in their own thing,” said Riko. “Their latest project or drama or sport. They might try, but they’ll never make time for you.” She quelled anything that’d give her examples. Quiet you, she told herself. You’re here talking, having a nice conversation.

“I knew you’d get it,” You said. “That’s why Chika, she’s my best friend. She’s never like that. Not even if she’s busy.” Riko almost crossed her arms in annoyance, but she caught herself and made her arms fall back to her sides.

“Mmph.”

“I’m so glad she’s feeling better.” You had a smile on her face, the brightest one Riko’d seen all weekend. It was more hopeful than immediately happy, though.

“I never expected it to happen so easily,” said Riko. “Not based on how bad she looked.” On Saturday, Chika’d looked absolutely miserable.

“Chika bounces back easily.”

“Must be nice.”

A wind gusted at Riko’s back.

“Do you ever think that sometimes you’re a character in someone else’s story?” she asked.

“Aren’t we all?” said You. “We’re the main actors of our own stories, and the supporting actors in everyone else’s, my father told me. He said we should think about how we’ll be thought of as actors when our stories end.”

“I think about something different when I’m thinking of this.”

“What?” You looked at Riko, and noticed the look in her eyes.

“Imagine that everyone’s life is a story. Imagine coming into their story late. They’re already near the end. The conflict is dying. It’s all getting resolved. Things’ll be okay, finally, right?

“But in your story, things aren’t great. You’re in the middle of your own conflicts. There’s things you have to put in order. They’re packing up their bags, on their way home from slaying the dragon, and you’re training so that it won’t kill you in seconds. They’re heading home from the ball, and you’re still cleaning up ashes in your stepmother’s house.

“Everyone has their own story, right? So, imagine being behind everyone’s story. Everyone’s gone so much further, you can’t catch up. Not any way you can see it. They’re on the peak, you’re in the valley. They’re in their home, you’re in the fight.” Riko settled herself, stared back at the hotel.

“Do you wanna hear me play the piano?”

 

The Takami’s inn had an electric piano in the lobby. It wasn’t a particularly good piano. The sound banks weren’t the most realistic. The thing was bought used, the edges no longer sharp, and the labels for the buttons faded. It was, however, a keyboard instrument, and if you can play one keyboard, you can play most.

Riko stretched her fingers and wrists, and played a few measures of practice songs. In the cobwebbed attic of her memories, there was an etude or two from when she’d first started. She ran through one of them, and then a harder etude from more recently. Both were sloppy, but You didn’t seem to notice, or Chika. They looked like they enjoyed it.

“That was a little dry,” said Riko. “Give me a minute or two more to practice, and I’ll play you something good, okay?” Riko looked at the piano. Usually she’d had more practice before playing for others. Weeks of practice at the keys, the advice of her coach.

Breathe, she told herself. She played a few more lines to get a few techniques under control. Everything ready, she counted out the time in her head. This could go well, if she didn’t screw it up. All she had to do was play. Don’t think of playing. Let it happen, and it’ll be over soon.

“One two three four.”

A rising of notes, from quiet to loud. Two notes that sounded like one, ringing like a bell. Silence.

Coming in slowly, through an open door, everything on the floor, not because it was thrown there. It wasn’t messy, the room walked into wasn’t. It was simply with nothing in a right place, nothing in the place to make this room orderly. Slow and uneven. That’s what the song sounded like.

And the song sounded like many more things. The lethargy of a person who’s laid in their bed for hours. A book with tattered edges, a worn face that’s seen none of what they wanted to.

The song ended on a single note, fading into silence.

 

The room had a bed frame, that was all. No mattress. It wouldn’t be occupied for the foreseeable future. That might change tomorrow, if someone called in and signed the papers and paid the deposit. The apartment had room for a family, but would best fit two people.

Riko went out onto the small balcony, and leaned on the railing. The apartment was right next to the hotel. Riko frowned. She could see into the room across the gap between them. Imagine if she lived in this apartment, and the hotel rented out that room. Who knows what person would end up in that room. She’d have had to keep her curtains closed.

The door opened, and Chika walked in, drying her hair with a towel. When she saw Riko, she ran out to the balcony, the towel still on her head. The momentum of her run and her sudden stop made the towel fall off her head and drop into the gap between their balconies.

Riko could see, in how Chika looked slightly tired, in how her face scrunched up oddly when she smiled, in how, after she ran, her whole body detensed and slumped almost imperceptibly, that Chika had thoughts of Love Live in the back of her mind. She hadn’t entirely recovered. But, Riko thought self-deprecatingly, Chika could stand on her two feet.

“Riko!” Chika said. “What’s going on?”

“I had nothing to do, so I figured I’d check out the building.”

“Oh.” Chika looked down over the balcony. “Gimme like, five minutes. I’ll get that towel and be right back, so don’t move.” Chika went to get the towel, leaving Riko alone with her thoughts.

If we’d moved here, thought Riko, I’d have this room. I’d go to their school in time for it to be shut down. I’d’ve met You and Chika and things might’ve been different.

She heard Chika, searching for the towel, and yay-ing happily when she found it.

Riko thought, I don’t think things would’ve been that easy. They never are. And anyways, it’s too annoying to think about. They’re too far ahead of me now. Look at Chika. Look at Chika already smiling, and she lost. She lost hard. I never lost that hard, but look how terrible I am now.

Chika returned to her room and to the balcony.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she said. “I think You likes you.” Riko shook her head.

“No. I’m sure she doesn’t. She kept talking about you.”

“She kept talking about you to me,” Chika said. Riko looked down over the balcony’s railing. She returned her gaze to Chika.

“It doesn’t matter anyways. I’m going home soon.” Chika took that as a challenge.

“It’s only a two hour bus ride. I’m sure you can visit a lot. Or she can visit you! Tokyo has a lot of exciting things, like the Tower, and Harajuku and Akihabara and Otonokizaka.” As Chika listed them she’d hold out a fist, raising one finger for each destination she listed.

“Otonokizaka?” Riko said, but Chika apparently didn’t hear the bitter tone.

“Muse went there! They saved their school by becoming school idols. They’re so cool!” Riko didn’t say anything for a bit. She had to control herself.

“Long-distance might be possible, I guess.”

“Of course it is!” Neither of them said anything, except for Chika going, “hmmm, hmmm” here and there. Then Chika remembered something and said, “I have to go help do the dishes! See you tomorrow, Riko!”

“Bye,” said Riko.

The silence was preferable to Riko. She needed a moment to take in the empty apartment. Turning around, she walked in and ran her hand along the edge of the bed, stopped at the threshold of the doorway, went up and down the halls as the floorboards squeaked under her.

Everything goes so well, so easy, doesn’t it? A day or two of rest for a normal person heals them all up. They’re on their feet, feeling better after a good nights sleep and some kind words. So simple for them. So simple.

The kitchen had a table, and two chairs at the table. Riko sat in one to let her focus. There weren’t any lights on, so she could barely see. She took out her phone, and the screen was blinding in comparison. The keyboard buzzed as she dialed a number.

“Mom? Yeah? I think I’m coming home early.

“...

“I just feel like it. Anyways, I should start packing if I don’t wanna get in late at night tomorrow. The train schedule is weird and I’m taking the long way around again. It’ll be seven or eight hours instead of two.

“Goodnight mom. Love you.”

13---  
Through the door of the room, Riko could see the small balcony, the railing around it, and could see the light of Chika’s room. She didn’t dare get close to it. She didn’t want to be seen. She wanted it in sight, though, because it was running through her mind.

She could’ve written songs for Chika’s group. Could’ve danced and sang and met them all. Maybe they would’ve gotten past the first round. Maybe that was Riko being arrogant. Maybe there’s no way of knowing.

Everything that was won’t change. Everything that will be is not known. Everything that is, is. Coping with the past and fantasising about worlds that don’t exist doesn’t fix a thing for the present, Riko thought.

You shouldn’t have fantasies. You do what is to be done. Don’t overthink it, don’t let anything be more than it is. Be like a fish lead by the river. The waters at your back, pushing you on the path forwards. No resistance. Because you can’t overpower a river when you’re only a fish. Rivers are hundred of pounds of force, or thousands of pounds of force, and fish are only each maybe five or six pounds. Some of them, the younger ones especially, are less.

And yet, Riko thought, here I am in the middle of a fantasy of being a runaway and finding meaning that’s fixing nothing. I’m running against the river, but the river’s too strong. “This was all stupid, wasn’t it?” Riko asked the balcony. She leaned against the door frame to the bedroom and slid down it ‘til she hit the floor. She took a breath.

She’d made plans with You, but she would have to cancel. She had to let You know too, that she was leaving. You’d be too confused if she didn’t. She might be confused anyways, but letting her know what was going on would be proper and polite and make sense. It’d be less trouble for You.

When she’d picked herself up and gotten to the front door to leave, she took one long look into the apartment. It’d be the last one. There was an intense longing, a stare into something unseen and unattainable, and Riko closed the door as she left.

 

At seven in the morning, Chika left for school. Riko’d packed up everything. She’d packed lightly, only enough clothes for four days. She figured she’d do laundry on Sunday or Monday and then she’d do it again on Thursday or Friday, and wouldn’t need to again because Saturday she’d be home. But now she was leaving Monday, so it wasn't a problem.

Riko put on the backpack and made her way to the front desk. Shima sat there, watching her son with a motherly smile. 

“I’m checking out early,” said Riko.

“Are you sure?” asked Shima.

“I think it’s time for me to go home.” Shima squinted at Riko, and saw a little bit under the mask. She couldn’t do anything, though, to convince Riko of anything, so she sighed and nodded.

“You’ll have to pay a fee for cancelling the long reservation.” Shima hoped feebly that this might convince her to stay.

“That’s fine.” Riko pulled her wallet out of her purse and handed over her credit card. Shima scanned it and did all the work on the computer.

“Chika’s gonna miss you,” said Shima handing back the card. “She said last night she was looking forwards to becoming friends with you.” Riko frowned, felt her fingers go tense and her hands clench into fists. She released it all.

“I’m sorry,” she managed. Shima got to work printing out a receipt and when she handed it to Riko, Riko walked out of the inn, and into the streets. 

14---   
“Ta-da!”

“Why’d you get me a teddy bear?” asked Yoshiko. Technically, it was a teddy dragon that looked surprisingly menacing, but that didn’t make her question any less relevant. Chika threw her a smile. She held it out further towards Yoshiko.

“It’s a gift! I’m trying to make it up to you.”

Yoshiko out on a frustrated expression. “A teddy bear won’t make it up to me.”

“I know. But this is a start, isn’t it?” Chika held the dragon up higher, which was hard. It wasn’t heavy, but it was incredibly bulky. It took some creative positioning on the part of Chika for her to peek over the side of it. “I thought you might like this. Do you?”

You and Ruby and Hanamaru watched amused. You didn’t think things would be fully resolved anytime soon, but this was okay too. Everyone was friends again. They were talking to each other okay. You couldn’t hide the grin forming on her face.

“I’ll take it,” said Yoshiko.

You’s phone vibrated. Which was odd, because anyone who knew her’d know she was in the middle of school right now. Granted, it was lunchtime, so she could take the call. She read the caller ID. It said, “Riko.”

“Riko, what’s up? Lost?”

“Remember those photographs I told you about?”

“What?” You had a confused expression. Chika noticed, but had to help Yoshiko move the stuffed dragon to the clubroom for storage. Yoshiko was walking backwards holding the head, while Chika walked forwards holding its hips.

“That photographer. Suzuki Sunakawa. She took pictures of the town at night from up on the mountains.” In the background Yoshiko hit a wall and tripped, and the dragon fell on her. Chika tried to help her up.

“Yeah?”

“It looks nice during the day, too. I like it more at night. It’s so dark you only see the lights. Now that it’s day, I can see the buildings.”

It took a moment for You to take it in. “You’ve left already? Why?”

“I---”

“Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

Riko didn’t say a word, but You heard her shifting in her seat. “I thought you’d tell me to stay. I’m sorry. I have to leave. You don’t deserve this. I didn’t want to make this call, either. But, I have to say goodbye somehow. It’s not in person, but this is goodbye.” You heard the phone’s speaker beep.

“Chika!” she said.

“Yes!” Chika.

“Riko left!” Chika and Yoshiko looked at her.

“Who’s Riko?” asked Yoshiko.

“Why’d she leave?” Chika dropped the dragon and went to look at You’s phone. Yoshiko looked at the thing--- it was six feet tall, bulky and it’s wings made it wide--- and crossed her arms.

“Are you going to help me with this or not!” asked Yoshiko. You gave her a look. Yoshiko understood and joined You and Chika. "Who’s Riko?”

“A friend,” said You. She turned to Chika. “I don’t know why she left. She called to say she did. I don’t know why. It was just, ‘here I am in the mountains,’ and then goodbye.” The phone didn’t give her any more answers. “I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”

Chika gave her a hug and Yoshiko crossed her arms indignantly. “For her impropriety I’ll summon the demon Yaldabaoth to curse her and her next three descendants.”

“No, but thanks,” said You.

“What’d she say for why she left?” asked Hanamaru.

“She said… ‘I don’t deserve this.’ What does that even mean? I don’t deserve her?” Chika shook her head.

“How’d she seem when she was here?” asked Hanamaru, who’d come to a conclusion, but needed to verify it first.

“Quiet. She seemed to care a lot. She didn’t mind me complaining about Chika, or, or about how we’d lost or taking her any which way. I knew there was something going on with her, but, I didn’t think she wasn’t having a good time. She didn’t say so when I asked.”

“I don’t think that was it,” said Hanamaru. The bell rang while she spoke. They had five minutes to get to class, so You started gathering all her things. Chika did the same, so she wouldn’t be scolded again.

“You,” said Hanamaru. “I think you should keep talking to her.”

“I don’t think she’d want that,” said You.

“We should do something,” said Chika.

You got up and left the cafeteria. Hanamaru looked at Chika. “Do you have her number?” she asked.

“Yeah. You gave it to me. Why?”

“Do you know where Riko lives?”

“In Tokyo. Why?”

“Do you wanna go on a trip?” asked Hanamaru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're having a better day than I am...
> 
> And, for that matter, a better day than Riko is.
> 
> Riko played the piano as a sort of goodbye, but she wasn't sure if she was leaving the next day or not. Talking to Chika and staying in the apartment made her decide that, yes, that was what she wanted to do.
> 
> Riko thinking of herself as like fish being pushed by the water is a more poetic version of my personal philosophy, which is to just go and do things or else you get nothing done. When I'm feeling down it becomes a sorta mantra of resignation, almost Sisyphean and nihilistic. "You have no reason to keep going except to keep going" is sorta what I think. I wonder how long that'll work.
> 
> Have a nice day everyone.


	6. Will I Fail with Riko Too?

Sixth Part: Will I Fail With Riko Too?  
15---  
Riko stared at the railway tracks, at the train that was coming. She waited for it, not sure exactly what to do. Get on the train, go home, rest in her room for the rest of the spring holiday. Beyond that, she didn’t know what to do.

She and the others filed into the train. The upside of using such an odd path making the distance between Tokyo and Numazu was that the cabins weren’t very crowded for half of the trip. Closer to Tokyo, and closer to Numazu, this wasn’t so true.

She stared out the window as the train kept moving. There wasn’t much else to look at, and she didn’t feel like reading. This had been happening a lot. It felt so tiring to read. She used to read a lot, but lately it wasn’t really possible. Entire sections she’d read weren’t understandable. She’d have to go over them multiple times to get them.

Outside, the trees stalked past at a stately pace. In five or so minutes, the train’d be out of the thick of the trees, she remembered from when she was going the other way. At that point, there wasn’t much to see except the sky. At night, there were stars. At day, only clouds.

In the train cabin, the other passengers made idle conversation, some of them. Most of them barely said a word. They were reading, sleeping, listening to music or playing on their phone or, who knows. Riko barely gave any of them a glance.

The trees became less dense, going from clusters to grouping to isolated pairs. When they no longer blocked her view, she could see the sky above, and far ahead, mountains. It was actually very pretty at daytime. 

You’d prob’ly like it too, thought Riko. She pulled out her phone to snap a picture. Looking at it, she thought that she might be bothering You. Riko said she had to leave, and she believed she did, and it wouldn’t do any good to keep involving herself when all it did was make her frustrated.  
It would be odd to send this, right? But, Riko wanted to. 

Riko sent the picture in a text, and stared at the mountains as the train continued to Tokyo.

Her phone beeped.

YOU: You still want to talk to me?  
RIKO: yes  
YOU: I thougt you said I didn’t deserve you.  
RIKO: that’s not what I meant  
YOU: What did you mean then?  
YOU: Riko?  
RIKO: i meant that you don’t deserve my problems  
YOU: What problems?  
YOU: U can tell me.  
YOU: U there?  
RIKO: i’m not bothering you with my problems. don’t worry about it

Riko put the phone back in her pocket, and let the train carry her onwards. The next stop was in thirty minutes, then it was thirty minutes to Tokyo, then twenty or thirty minutes to home depending on the Tokyo train schedule. A wave of relief passed over her, like the tides coming to shore.

When her phone rang, those tides retreated. She read the caller ID. It was You.

“Don’t you have school?” asked Riko.

“I asked to go to the nurse’s office.”

“But you aren’t in the nurse’s office.” It occurred to Riko that this might not exactly be true, and she couldn’t know, but You prob’ly wasn’t in the nurse’s office.

“Riko, what’s wrong? What happened? We’re friends, and I’m worried.” Riko stared out the window. Houses became more and more common as they approached Tokyo. Right now, they passed through one of those small cities that doesn’t have much going for it except the small town feel.

“I went to Uchiura because me and my mom were going to move there,” Riko began, reluctantly. “I wanted to see what it was like.” 

“Oh. That would’ve been cool.”

“I kept wondering if things’d be better if we’d moved there.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went because I wondered what my life would be like if things had gone differently. I thought, that a life I haven’t lived might be worth seeing. Maybe seeing that life would make me feel better about mine.”

“Did it?”

“No.”

“Can I help?”

“I don’t know,” said Riko. There was a pause.

“Riko. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?” asked You. Riko got a horrified expression on her face. She shook her head, though you couldn’t see her.

“No. Why would you think that? You’re so amazing. I had so much, so much fun with you.” Riko took a deep breath. Her voice was getting weak. “This was all my fault, okay? I never should’ve gone to Uchiura.”

“Didn’t you have fun with me?” 

“That’s not fair,” said Riko. “You. You, I have t-to. My next stop is in a few minutes. I have to gather my things and get ready. I’ll call you later. Okay?” Riko didn’t like lying, but it was the simplest way to get out of having to say anymore. She’d already been too much of a burden, she thought.

“Talk to you later,” said You. Riko hung up the phone and tried to pretend that she had everything handled, that this’d be the end of it, that she could ignore everything that happened and get on with her--- No, she thought. I made this trouble, and it’s my own damn fault. 

The train hit a bump, but kept on going, so Riko assumed that nothing important got broken.

 

“Do you have any friends who’ll give you their notes?” asked Dia. She walked over to You wearing a stern expression, but she didn’t move to do any scolding, so You assumed she’d overheard.

“Chika will,” said You. “I don’t know how useful they’ll be though.”

“They’ll be something at least, I assume,” said Dia. She sat down next to You.

“Any advice?” asked You. Dia shook her head.

“I haven’t handled my problems all that well myself. I’ve realized that, recently.”

“What’re you doing in the halls? Don’t you have class too?”

“The third years have the day off to study for entrance exams. I was here doing student council work. Getting everything ready for you to transfer to Hanazawa Academy.”

“Is that where we’re going?” asked You. Dia put a finger to her lips as if to say, shh. You got a slight grin but it faded.

“Will I fail with Riko like we did at Love Live?” asked You. Dia had been caught in the middle of a storm she didn’t know she was walking into. She gathered her thoughts. She had to be careful with what she said so she didn’t cause any damage.

“Maybe. Maybe. I don’t know what’s going on. From the sounds of it, only she does.” You, feeling uneasy, stared at her phone. She got the feeling that Riko prob’ly wouldn’t call later, not without prompting. Dia put a hand on You’s shoulder. “This won’t be harder than Love Live, but it might be just as impossible. But, you’ll have more chances. You could only get into Love Live twice this year. Twice next year if you want. Unless Riko really doesn’t want to talk to you, you can keep talking to her over and over again. Maybe you can figure something out.”

“Chika mentioned going to Tokyo. I figured out why.”

“It’s pretty obvious,” said Dia. They heard running footsteps approaching them. “That’s probably her too.”

“You!” yelled Chika, slowing herself down as she approached. “You. Are you okay? You weren’t in the nurse’s office.”

“I called Riko.” You looked at Chika decisively. “I’m going to Tokyo.” Chika took a seat next to You and gave an approving smile.

“Where are you planning on staying?” asked Dia.

“Yoshiko said she’d make arrangements. Hanamaru said she has family who’ll give her and Ruby a room for the weekend.”

“If Ruby’s going on this ill-advised trip, I am too,” said Dia. Her arms were crossed and her strictness in that declaration made it clear that that was going to be the way it’d be. She expected resistance, but Chika looked pretty happy about it.

“Thank you!” said Chika, giving Dia a hug. Dia tried to shake her off, but couldn’t.

“I knew you cared,” said You.

“I care about Ruby.” Dia rewound the conversation. Something was sticking out to her. “Do you trust Yoshiko to arrange a place to stay?”

“Sure!” said Chika. “Why wouldn’t we?”

Dia groaned audibly. Yoshiko was Yoshiko. That meant a number of things, good and bad. She was entertaining, very friendly to Ruby, competitive and childish, but not mean about it. She teased a lot, but she was willing to be teased to. And, Dia thought Yoshiko was attractive. Growing up with Mari meant that Dia was used to shenanigans enough to be able to like Yoshiko, in spite of how childish she could be. It wasn’t a big crush, but maybe one of these days.

It’s odd, really, how unpredictable it is who you find attractive, but there you go.

“Mari said she’ll give us room in her hotel, but she thinks it’ll be cramped,” Chika said. She’d asked, especially because Mari was usually really generous.

“For Mari,” said Dia, “that means it doesn’t have an individual bedroom for everyone and she has to get out the futons.” Dia spoke from experience. Even so, it was nice they had a backup plan. She didn’t know Yoshiko’s plan, but Yoshiko had a penchant for, depending on the day, bad luck or melodrama. How that might manifest, she feared.

She stood up. “You two should get to class and I have work to do. We can discuss travel plans later.” That sounded sorta presumptuous to Dia. “If you want to involve me. I’m more along for the ride than anything.”

“Sure!” said Chika.

Dia walked down the hallway. Once she was out of sight there was a big change in Chika. You got to her feet and grabbed Chika’s hand. “It’s okay, Chika.”

“This wasn’t my fault, was it?” asked Chika, thinking of her recent screw-ups.

“It isn’t. I promise. Why would it be?” You and Chika started walking down the hallway, towards class. Chika had a far away look, but beneath her her eyes, her mouth curved into a smile, not really happy, but hopeful.

“Wanna come over to my house later?” asked You. “We can play video games like we used to, or just watch movies. It’s been a while.”

“Don’t you have swim practice.”

“The team’s too small for the coach to be able to bench me even if she wanted to.” You had the self-assured air of an often-praised, rarely punished teenager who got special treatment. Chika hummed a bit and leaned against her.

“There’s a reason you’re my best friend.”

16---  
Riko felt her mother’s arms around her almost immediately. She tried to smile, but she didn’t have the energy, so she let herself frown.

“Let me know next time,” her mother said. “I missed you.” Riko nodded, glad her mother still held her close. If her face was seen right now, her mother’d have questions, and Riko didn’t know how to answer them. Riko closed her eyes and thought about what she had to do now.

“I’m kinda tired from the ride,” she said.

“Riko, where did you go? Now I can’t disturb you there, because you’re home. Tell me.” Riko held her mother closer to make sure her face couldn’t be seen. She thought of what she wanted to say, and what she wanted to lie about. She made herself conscious of her throat and mouth, so that she could control how her voice’d sound.

“I went to Uchiura. I bought a ticket for a train that went around the mountains, and I stayed in Uchiura.” Riko’s mother let go of her, and Riko held her face in a neutral expression. She sat facing away from her mother as she took off her shoes in order to hide it, so she could let her emotions show.

“Why?”

“It seemed like a nice place to go.” There wasn’t a better excuse she could think of. 

“Alright then.” She bit her lip, debating whether to say it now or later. “So, I was talked to by my superiors again. They really want to bring in a new manager here. We might be moving there later this year, before school starts again.” Riko was motionless, suspended in the atmosphere of what’d just been said. She had to hide her panic.

“Riko?” her mother asked.

“That’d be great,” said Riko.

“I should go unpack,” said Riko. “I’ll tell you about everything I saw later.”

“So you had a fun trip?” asked her mother.

“Yeah,” said Riko. She remembered You showing her the aquarium, the ocean, the malls in Numazu, a cafe. Riko’d enjoyed herself. “I think you will like it.” She grabbed her backpack and walked into her room. She shut and locked her door, and laid down on her bed, utterly, horribly lost.

She checked her phone to see if Ritsu’d sent her any texts. Riko liked Ritsu. Ritsu didn’t involve Riko in any drama, didn’t say anything hurtful or mean, invited Riko whenever she and her friends were going to this place or that. The only reason the two of then weren’t closer was that neither of them wanted to. They liked each other, but not that much.

You’d sent her a message. Riko frowned. That was the problem, wasn’t it? No matter how far she’d ran, she’d have to go back eventually. She thought she’d made her escape, and she had. But now she was being drawn back in. And she didn’t know if she wanted that.

You was so pretty and strong and, most importantly, caring. You’d do anything for her friends. She’d make sure that she’d be there for the important things. When Riko thinks about being held in her arms, she thinks of how strong it’d feel, but also how tender You’d act.

I don’t really deserve that, do I? asked Riko. She stared at the piano in the corner of the room. She’d made so many mistakes when she’d played for You, and that was one of her simpler songs, one she’d written just for fun, back when she practiced with any regularity. Riko turned to face the wall so she didn’t have to see anything.

When she’d calmed herself down, she pulled the blankets over herself and read You’s message: Text me when you’re able to take my call. Okaysoro? Riko chuckled grimly.

i’m free now if you are, Riko sent back. She didn’t want to talk, but she couldn’t avoid it forever, so she mind as well get it over with. It took about ten minutes, but the phone rang. Riko put it on speaker so she could lay down and not have to put it up to her ear.

“Hello,” said Riko, irritated.

“Hello?” said You. “Are you okay?” Riko gathered herself for a response.

“Listen, I’m not really worth it. All I do is mope, or if I’m not moping I’m choosing not to speak. I won’t pretend it’s any other way. Not anymore. You deserve better friends.” Riko frowned. “And you have them. Look at Chika. She recovered quickly.”

“She’s still troubled though. She’s putting on a strong face, but that doesn’t mean she’s doing okay-okay.”

“She’s doing so much better, though, isn’t she? Isn’t she okay? She didn’t run away like I did.” 

You knew she couldn’t answer honestly, but there wasn’t really a choice. Riko’d talked her into a corner. “Yes. She’s doing a lot better.” Riko could hear You take a breath on the other side of the call. “You helped me though. So I want to help you.”

Riko didn’t want to say another word. She’d said more than she’d ever wanted to say. Riko heard scritching on the other side of the phone line. Like a pencil. “Are you doing homework?”

“Drawing outfits,” said You. “We were invited to perform for a festival in Numazu. We thought, we didn’t want our last show to be something we lost, so we accepted.” The scritching ceased abruptly. “Sorry I’m working on this while I talk to you, but we have a tight schedule.”

“It’s fine,” said Riko. “I wouldn’t expect any different.” You didn’t know how to interpret that, but she had to have the designs done and discussed with Ruby by tomorrow, so she got back to work.

“How was your train ride?” asked You.

“What?”

“How was your train ride?” Riko pulled the phone closer to her. She thought back over the train ride. It wasn’t as quiet as the one days ago, but there were interesting conversations to overhear, and some sights that were less boring when the sun revealed what was actually there.

“It was fine,” Riko said. “I didn’t have to deal with being so tired this time, thankfully.”

“Oh right. Chika said you got in really early Saturday morning after a long train ride. But isn’t Tokyo only a few hours away?”

“I took the long way around, to go on the same path as a photographer. I think I told you.”

“You probably did.”

They talked casually for an hour, and then hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wasn't in the nurse's office :p
> 
> I feel like a lot of my works could be accurately summarized as "depressed conversations, often in bed." I hope it's as interesting to you as it is to me. Which, it is, 'cause I more or less wrote this story to work through a few things. I don't think it worked, but it broke my writer's block.
> 
> Might've had this up yesterday but last night was... a lot. I get stressed and depressed easily, so the simplest thing can ruin my day. But I want to get this up this morning since I couldn't last night.
> 
> Hope you're having a nice day :)


	7. Eight on a Train to Tokyo

Seventh Part: Eight on a Train to Tokyo  
17---  
“What I don’t understand,” said Dia, arms crossed but overall not particularly strict. “is why all eight of us are going. Especially if Riko only talked to Chika and You when she was here.” The seven others, Aqours and Kanan, looked at her with various reactions.

“She talked to me for a little bit on Sunday,” said Ruby. Dia nodded and leaned against the wall. Coming from Ruby, that was important information.

“I don’t mind going to Tokyo, but the rest of us can’t help her if we don’t know her, so why are the rest of us going?” The rest of them, except Hanamaru and Mari, looked at each other, looking for an answer that made sense. They’d all just taken it for granted that they’d all be going, most of them except for Dia, who was going because of Ruby, and Kanan, who was going for You and Chika. Importantly, they all wanted to go.

“I kinda have been wondering that too,” You admitted. “Chika would be good moral support for me. Not that I don’t want you guys coming but… she has a point.”

“Sightseeing,” said Hanamaru. 

“Plus you can never give a person too much moral support,” said Mari. Dia nodded.

“As good a reason as any, I guess.” Dia didn’t know about Mari’s reasoning, but she imagined sightseeing in Tokyo would be fun. Ruby, Hanamaru and Yoshiko discussed their own plans for the trip. You went over to Yoshiko, and tapped on her shoulder. Yoshiko posed as she turned around, managing to hit Hanamaru who bumped into Ruby. Dia glared but let it pass.

“What is it? Does my little demon want some attention?” Yoshiko asked.

“I’m wondering what our sleeping plans were in Tokyo?”

“Oh. Don’t worry. I got a friend.” You wanted to press it further, but Hanamaru grabbed Yoshiko’s shoulder and turned her around.

“Be careful where you’re putting your arms. You almost knocked me and Ruby out of our seats.” Yoshiko got into an argument with Hanamaru, and You was left without an answer. There was nothing she could do though, so she went to mope with Chika and Kanan.

Dia tapped on Ruby’s shoulder and motioned for her to come.

“You’re going because of Chika, right?”

“Yes,” said Ruby. Dia sighed and ruffled Ruby’s hair. “It’s only been six days since Love Live. She’s not going to agree to a relationship with anyone. You don’t have to worry about someone taking her.”

“Dia, Chika doesn’t think like that. She’s not as responsible as you.”

“Meaning?” asked Dia. Ruby scanned the room to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation. What she was about to say she wasn’t proud of thinking.

“She’d agree to a relationship even if it wasn’t good for her.”

“Ruby…”

“I’m not going to make it like that,” Ruby rushed to say. Dia’s expression softened having heard that. “But, I want to spend time with her. And, if there’s a good time to bring it up, I’m not going to waste a chance. I’m willing to be there for her.” Dia tussled Ruby’s hair.

“It might not work as easily as you think. Think about that before you make rash decisions.”

“But life is full of rash decisions,” said a third person. Ruby and Dia looked at where the sentence came from, the long table running along the side of the room.

“Did the table just talk to us?” asked Ruby. Dia shook her head and reached under the table, pulling out Mari.

“I would’ve thought Kanan would’ve kept you busy.” Mari shook her head, pointing at the other corner of the room. Kanan was talking to Chika and You, You mostly about something or other. You and Kanan laughed at something that seemed to confused Chika.

“She’s keeping them busy instead,” said Mari,

“That doesn’t give you the right to spy on us,” stressed Dia. Mari gave her most ingratiating smile.

“Dia, no one has to do anything. You didn’t have to avoid talking to me for---” Mari checked her watch. “I don’t know why I checked my watch, I haven’t been keeping track of the exact time--- about a year and a half. Dia, I’ve missed you.” Dia avoided her gaze guiltily.

“Ruby, could you tell the rest of them that Mari and I have to go have a conversation.”

“Kanan! Dia’s finally ready to talk!” Mari yelled across the room. When Kanan turned to her, Mari waved at her wildly. Dia put a hand to her forehead. She was already exasperated.

Dia dragged Mari out of the room and gave Kanan a look that said, come if you want to be involved in this.

“Sorry guys,” said Kanan. “I should go join them.”

“It’s about time they made up,” said Chika, when they were all outta earshot. “So You. Has Riko responded yet?”

“Yeah. She says she’s enjoying her break. She’s been catching up on TV shows, she says.” You pulled out her phone to check for any more texts.

“Cool!”

“We get along unless I ask how she’s doing. It makes me feel guilty about doing this.” Chika shook her head.

“She’ll be so happy to see you. I promise.”

“Then why can’t we tell her?”

“I told you! It has to be a surprise! Besides, we’re not staying at her house. Yoshiko’s gonna get us a hotel or something.” Chika leaned in towards You to wink. “And if she asks, it was Mari’s idea. Okay?”

“Okay,” said You. “I still think we should let her know we’re coming.”

“It’ll be fine.”

18---  
You looked out the window on the ten o’clock Friday train to Tokyo. Chika was sitting next to her, but had gotten up a second ago for some reason. Dia thought this was as good a time as any to go over.

“Hey Dia,” You said.

“How’d you know it was me?” Dia hadn’t even said a word yet, and You’d kept her eyes facing through the window to the outside of the train car. City buildings were streaming past them.

“I can see your reflection in the window.” Dia took what had been Chika’s seat and looked at her lap.

“Listen, things might not go as well as you want them to go.”

“You’ve already told me this.”

“That’s not all I have to say.” Dia took a breath. “I’d like to join you when you talk to Riko. I don’t know everything, but I think me or Kanan could help. So if not me, then Kanan.”

“Why not Mari,” joked You. If looks could kill, You wouldn’t’ve seen what hit her. She was watching a field full of cows. “I know. She’s not the best choice for something this delicate.”

“She actually might not be that bad a choice,” said Dia, trying her best to be fair to someone who, after years of isolation, was her friend again. “But I’d rather err on the safe side with someone none of us but you know.” When Chika came back, she tilted her head, but Dia gave a thumbs up and gestured for her to go away. Chika went and sat next to the first years and Mari, who were playing some game or other with Kanan.

“Which reminds me of something else that’s been bugging me,” said Dia. “Do you mind if I ask something personal?” You shook her head and shrugged. “That’s a yes?” You nodded. “Why are you going on a two hour trip to see her?”

“Chika suggested it,” said You.

“When I asked Chika, she said Hanamaru did.”

“So, Hanamaru did.”

“You didn’t have to go along with their plan, though.” The train lurched to a stop.

“I… I couldn’t stop Chika.” You gathered all her thoughts together. “And it would bother me if I didn’t get to see Riko at all. I have to see her at some point. Now isn’t the worst time. I’ll admit that it’s weird we’re going so soon after she left, but she left so abruptly.” You turned to Dia, and leaned towards her so she’d be able to whisper.

“Neither me or Yoshiko wants anyone to run away from us. But I’ll chase anyone who does until they tell me we’re not friends.” You’s eyes met Dia’s, searching for approval or disapproval. “Is that too forgiving?”

“It might be too desperate,” said Dia. “It depends on how self-aware you are while you do it.” You gave a wry grin and blew out some air to try and not let in any silence. “Do you like her?” asked Dia.

“I might,” said You. “I’d go out with her, I would. I just want to know, first of all, what’s going on with my friend?”  
Other passengers filed on, heading in the direction of Tokyo. Maybe they’d get off inside or outside Tokyo, either way they were taking seats, and Dia’s and Kanan’s things were still across the aisle from where she was now.

“One minute,” said Dia. “I have to move our stuff so no one steals it.”

19---  
“It’s the future,” said Hanamaru, who’d never gone this far from Uchiura in her life. Yoshiko laughed, but was ignored by Hanamaru’s inability to register anything that wasn’t electronic, urban, or urban fashion. Dia grabbed onto Ruby’s hand. Ruby understood. Dia was afraid of getting lost in the city again.

Mari brought Kanan over to Dia. “Do you want to go with us to visit my uncle? He has a giant TV and a surround sound and a friend visiting from FRANCE!” Dia’s eyes drifted to Ruby, then to You, then to Chika, then back to Ruby. Dia shook her head.

“I should make sure the rest of them know what they’re doing.” Mari chuckled at that, also aware that Dia’d gotten lost as a kid.  
“Alright. But as our friiieeeend you’re joining us tomorrow. Okay?”

“Sure,” said Dia. Mari and Kanan left, and Dia squeezed Ruby’s hand. They joined the other four. Yoshiko and Hanamaru competed on an arcade fighting game installed in the station while You and Chika read the maps and pamphlets.

“This juice stand looks cool,” said You.

“Mm!” said Chika.

“You and Chika are going to talk to Riko, right?” asked Dia. The two of them nodded. “What are you two doing?” Dia asked Hanamaru and Yoshiko. Hanamaru absentmindedly turned around to answer.

“Sightseeing. It’s the future. Look! Video game!” Hanamaru outstretched her arm, knocking a joystick and causing her character to, serendipitously, win that round.

“Is your luck that good, or is mine that bad?” asked Yoshiko. Hanamaru gave a smug smile to Yoshiko. Dia turned to You and Chika again.

“You, do you want me to help when you talk t---, do you think I’d be a help when you went to talk to Riko?” You nodded.

“Your advice is good, even when I don’t want it.” Dia cringed but accepted that that was probably true. She looked down at Ruby. 

“You should join Yoshiko and Hanamaru today. It might not be good to have a lot of people Riko doesn’t know show up to talk to her.” Ruby started to object, but Dia put a hand up. “And it wouldn’t be as fun today as you’d want it to be,” she murmured under her breath. “I’ll try to arrange something for tomorrow, okay?”

Ruby nodded reluctantly, and let go of her sister’s hand.

“That reminds me,” said Yoshiko. “There’s something I gotta do.” She pulled out her phone and called a number. After a half-minute of ringing, the person on the other side answered

“Oh! Is this our sleeping plans!” asked Chika. Yoshiko nodded.

“Is this Riri? I meant Riko, slip of the tongue. Yes. I’m a friend of You’s.” You looked at Chika, surprised and confused. As it hit her, she lunged towards Yoshiko but Chika held her back. “We’ve come to Tokyo for a bit of sight-seeing and our sleeping arrangements have fallen through.” Dia had an inhumanly scary expression. Ruby cowered behind Hanamaru, who was wondering if she should try to warn Yoshiko or find a safe place to hide and watch the murder. “Do you think you could give three of us a place to sleep? Yes, I can hold while you ask your mother.” Hanamaru and Ruby joined Chika, who was dragging You behind a pillar to protect her from the Wrathful Creature that had replaced Dia. Yoshiko noticed them somewhat, but didn’t give their actions much importance. “Oh. That’s fine. I think that’d be okay. Thanks. What’s the address? --- in Tanaka House in ---?” Yoshiko looked at Dia. “Did you get that?”

“Yes,” said Dia.

“Okay. So, --- in Tanaka House in ---. We’ll be by later. No, we have money set aside for dinner. Thanks. You’re a lifesaver. Bye.” Yoshiko hung up.

Behind the pillar, You asked Chika, “You gave Yoshiko Riko’s number?”

“She said she wanted it in case of emergencies.”

“YOSHIKO,” Dia whispered in a tone that was the vocal equivalent of a cyanide injection. Yoshiko shrunk a little bit, but put on a brave face.

“I said I’d set up our arrangements. Won’t it be easier this way, too?”

“HANAMARU,” Dia said at a normal volume. Hanamaru jumped. It still sounded like she was screaming. Hanamaru peeked out from behind the pillar. “WHERE AND WHEN ARE YOUR RELATIVES MEETING US?”

“they’ll be here in thirty minutes, they said. they said they might be late. i’m sorry.”

“YOU HAVE NO NEED TO BE SORRY.”

“sorry!” Hanamaru hid behind the pillar again.

“YOU ON THE OTHER HAND,” said Dia, directing herself towards Yoshiko now. “I WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU IN DETAIL WHY EVERYTHING YOU DID WAS INAPPROPRIATE AND HOW TO PROPERLY PROSTRATE YOURSELF TO ASK RIKO FOR FORGIVENESS.” Dia grabbed Yoshiko’s arm, not too tightly, but somehow it felt like her fingers were boa constrictors with serrated skin. “CHIKA, YOU. USE YOUR PHONES TO FIND DIRECTIONS TO TANAKA HOUSE IN ---.” Chika bowed and You saluted. “And Ruby,” said Dia, not tenderly but comparatively with a voice as sweet as maple syrup, “you should follow You and Chika and cover your ears. I will be using very improper language. HANAMARU, FEEL FREE TO DO THE SAME.” Hanamaru and Ruby fled, waving Yoshiko goodbye as if it was the last time.

 

“Hanamaru?” asked an old man wearing suspenders over a dress shirt. He walked spryly, incredibly healthy, though he was balding and clearly in his later years. “What’re you doing outside?” He turned to the others. “Why don’t you introduce me to your friends?”

“This is Chika, this is You, and this over here is Ruby,” she said, introducing them in order. At each of their turns the old man shook their hand.

“Pleased to meet you all. I’m Hanamaru’s uncle, Yamamoto Chihiro. I expect you’ve had a trip.” He counted them. “I also don’t think all of you are staying under my roof?”

“Only Me, Ruby and Dia,” said Hanamaru. The old man nodded. He had a methodology to his gestures that suggested that he remembered everything, but that he had a harder time bringing it to be speakable after so many years. He chewed on what he’d heard like a cow chews on cud, and said, “Where is Dia?”

“inside,” said Hanamaru. “she’ll be out in a second.” The old man noticed a change in his young relative, but didn’t know exactly what. He scratched the back of his head, then went over to a bench. There seemed to be a commotion in the station, and under his feet the ground might’ve been shaking, but his legs were tired after being still for most of the morning, so he didn’t think much of it.

“I took a train here, you know. I’m not as young as I used to be.” He stretched his legs and arms, and then rotated his neck to work out all the kinks. “I owe my health to my morning calisthenics.” He stretched his arms forwards, reaching for his toes. “I can spend a whole day walking if I’m more prepared. I couldn’t be today, because I had to get the house ready for cleaning and make reservations for lunch.”

“You didn’t have to,” said Hanamaru, giving her relative a hug.

“I do, I do. And I can show you some interesting parts of Tokyo once Dia joins us. What’s that girl up to?”

“she, uh, actually she’s going to be helping a friend today and as for what she’s doing she’s uh, showing a friend of ours, Dia is, she’s showing yoshiko, a friend of ours how to be more respectful to others.”

“Hahahaha. Good for her. She and I will get along just fine, I think. I remember when I visited Uchiura--- It was your friend Ruby here! She didn’t know how to address her grandmother correctly. Well, her grandmother said it was no problem, but I’m sure she appreciated me giving Ruby a good talking to. Oh! Hello! Are you Dia or Yoshiko?” Hanamaru whimpered, and she and Ruby hid behind Chika and You.

“I am most definitely not Yoshiko, sir,” Dia said, in a voice that was a little raspy and strained, but not unirritable. The old man looked at her approvingly.

“I can tell you and I will get along fine. My wife will be happy to meet you. She stayed home to make dinner for you all. I told her we could eat out, but this is the first time we’ve seen Hanamaru in two years. It’s been such a strain getting out to Uchiura we couldn’t, and this is her first time in the big city, you know.”

“I am very sorry sir, but pardon me.” Dia turned to the door and cupped her hands around her mouth. “YOSHIKO.” Yoshiko came outta the train station, her posture perfectly straight and a bead of sweat dripping down her forehead. She saw Hanamaru’s relative and bowed with extreme politeness.

“Hello sir. What is your name?”

“Oh? So respectful! Not everyone thinks so much of old codgers like me anymore. No young people. I think we’d get along too. Hanamaru, all your friends are so polite and respectful.”

“yes they are,” said Hanamaru. She didn’t want to contradict him, but she felt Dia’s glare on Yoshiko, who was too afraid to do much of anything except awkwardly shift her posture from discomfort.

“Yes,” said Dia. “All So Very Respectful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated :p
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter was one of the funnest chapters for me to write, because Yoshiko just digs her own grave and doesn't understand why what she did was wrong, and Dia screaming in ALL CAPS is so funny to me. I don't know if it will be for you too, but I hope so :)
> 
> I feel like maybe Dia overreacted a bit, but Yoshiko is really imposing on Riko by lying, making a last minute request, and not reading the mood, because Yoshiko should be able to tell that Riko has problems based on how You and Chika have talked about her. If Dia is overreacting, she isn't overreacting all that much, I think.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, Hanamaru's VA kills and I just discovered Oyasuminasan, and you should too. Look for it on Youtube :) I want to buy this song but it's only available on a CD package with a $65 DVD (before shipping) and... yeah... I'm not made of money.
> 
> Anyone have a better way to get it, tell me please.
> 
> Anywaaaaays. I feel oddly good right now. My mood'll prob'ly change in five minutes, if I have to talk to anyone or respond to anything. I don't stay upbeat very long. 
> 
> Thanks for reading y'all. I hope some of you are enjoying this story.


	8. Hello Again

Eighth Part: Hello Again  
20---  
“So, what’s the plan?” asked Chika.

“Text Riko and ask her what time she’ll be prepared for us by. We owe her that much after, pff, That.” Dia took a seat on a chair next to them. “It should be before five, though. I have to go meet the Yamamoto’s for dinner with Hanamaru and Ruby.”

“Why don’t you sleep at Riko’s tonight and Yoshiko sleep at the Yamamoto’s? Mr. Yamamoto seemed confused until Hanamaru explained it to him again.”

“I don’t like to be apart from Ruby for too long, and this what we agreed to before we got on the train,” said Dia. “Trust me, I’d spend the day with her, but you said you’d like my help, and I’m happy to give it.”

“We could’ve gotten Kanan t---. ”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll spend tomorrow with Ruby before I spend tomorrow night with Mari and Kanan.” Dia rolled that around in her head. “We should ask Mari for rooms for us tomorrow. We should’ve done that from the start.” The three of them sat on a bench while You fielded a text to Riko.

“Chika, want to go with me and Ruby tomorrow?”

“What about me?” asked You.

“If all goes well, you’ll be able to spend the day with Riko. If not, we’ll all go as one group. I’m sure Mari could afford a gaggle of train tickets.”

“Now we’re relying on Mari too much,” said Chika.

“Ugh you’re right.” Dia buried her face in her hands. “Today is not going well so far.” She got up and walked in a near-circle. “I need to go for a walk. Could you watch my things?”

“Sure,” said Chika. Dia walked off towards anything that seemed calming. She ended up walking up an escalator up to the second floor.

“Riko responded. She said give her a few hours. So we can go sightseeing if we want.” You leaned against Chika, putting her head on her shoulder. “I’m so nervous. I need something to distract myself from the fact that I might be making it worse.”

“Hey, You, it’ll be okay. I turned out okay, didn’t I?”

“I think you and Riko are a little different.” You smiled at Chika. “Thanks for trying though. When Dia gets back we’ll have to go shopping. I’ll get you a gift.” Chika shook her head.

“You don’t have to get me anything. This is me helping you for helping me.” They stayed like that until Dia came down. She had on an Ayase Eli t-shirt and was wearing a Muse cap. She also was sipping a smoothie, presumably to soothe her throat after all that yelling.

“There’s a mall upstairs,” explained Dia. 

21---  
“She was posed perfectly when the bird landed on her,” said Chika. She swiped the screen. “But then:” Her phone’s screen had a picture of Yoshiko noticing the bird and going wide-eyed. She tapped the screen a few times. “And Ruby took a video.” Dia glanced over from time to time, a little mad at Yoshiko but Yoshiko was cute. Otherwise she read through her magazine.

In the video, Yoshiko posed dramatically beside a statue of some famous Japanese official. She gave a greeting to all demons who resided in the nearby area. The phone caught a glimpse of Hanamaru’s confused, disapproving relative, then returned to Yoshiko as the bird landed on her arm. Yoshiko laughed heartily. 

Yoshiko and the bird eyed each other. The bird flicked its wing like it was waving Hello. Yoshiko screamed and flailed her arms, falling off the statue and into the nearby grass. Ruby put her phone in her pocket but forgot to turn it off. “I think she was running to check on Yoshiko, but I can’t tell.”

“Geez,” said You. Doing simple things like this had done wonders for calming her nerves. And so had Dia, who at this point had a bag full of merch, a book on school idol trivia, and a scarf with the lyrics to a Muse song on it. She also looked very unashamed, which just added to the dorkiness of it.

You checked the time on her phone. “Right, so… we’re almost there.” She turned to Dia, who was the most responsible and experienced person in attendance. “What do I start with?”

“Whatever you think will end with the best result. You’ll know better than I do.”

“So why are you here then?” asked You, logically but not meanly. Dia’s eyes narrowed. She took a sip of smoothie to relax.  
“I can’t solve your problems for you. I’ll admit that I want to.”

They got off the bus a few hundred feet later, at a bus stop not far from Riko’s house, according to the maps app on Chika’s phone. You texted Riko, “Almost there,” and wasn’t sure if she expected a response or not. Dia seemed to realize her outfit and put the scarf in the bag and put her jacket over the Eli shirt. You snickered to herself.

“This should be it,” said Chika. She slid the phone into her pocket and they approached the door. You lifted up her arm to knock on the door. Gulping, she knocked three times and waited for an answer. None came, and Dia reached over and pressed the doorbell button beside the door.

“Coming!” a voice said. You sighed in relief. A woman answered the door.

“Are you Riko’s mother?” asked You.

“Riko?”

“Sakurauchi Riko?”

“Oh! That Riko. She and her mother---” the woman leaned out of the room to point to a set of stairs on the side of the building--- “live in apartment 2-3 on the second floor. Don’t bother knocking, the idiot architect made the doors soundproof because he thought it was necessary for a ‘loud modern city.’ It barely works but it works enough you can’t hear a knock. Every apartment has a doorbell though.” The woman went back inside and waved as she closed the door behind her.

“She was nice,” said Chika. Dia patted You on the shoulder and lead them up to the second floor. Room 2-3 was on the end of the landing, and had a plaque next to it that said “Sakurauchi.” Chika pressed the doorbell and You rehearsed what she knew she wanted to say.

She wanted to say Hello, but didn’t know what should come after that.

The door opened, and Riko’s mother opened the door. “Oh, you must be Riko’s friends. Come in.” She opened the door wide for them and idled into the house. “Excuse me for the mess,” she said in the voice of someone who said it when she hadn’t vacuumed for more than two days and hadn’t dusted for more than five, but otherwise had the house in perfect order.

Dia shook her head. “Your house is fine. We didn’t give you enough time to prepare.” The three of them sat down to take off their shoes.

“What happened that made you all without any place to stay?” You and Chika looked at each other, asking the other for an excuse. Dia piped up with an answer.

“The hotel was overbooked and our friend didn’t answer when the hotel called to ask how urgent our stay was,” lied Dia. “I wanted to try and rebook, but Yoshiko made the decision on her own. You’ll meet her later.”

“Oh? Where’s she now?”

“Sightseeing with our other friends. They made arrangements to stay with a relative. One of our other friend’s family has a hotel, so we’ll be staying there tomorrow night.” You saw Riko peeking around a corner. She went back into hiding.

“Oh? It’s no bother for you to stay here.” said her mother. “Two of you can share the guest bed and one can have a futon.” Dia shook her head, hanging her jacket up.

“She has her own room at the hotel. It’s big. I’ve seen it. She could fit all eight of us.” 

“Oh. Well, you’re welcome here anytime. I hope next time you give me more notice.” Her mother searched for Riko, but couldn’t find her. “Riko’s in her room, I think. It’s the one with the piano on the door drawn in crayon. I had it laminated.” Dia looked from Chika to You. You nodded.

“I’m baking cookies,” said Mrs. Sakurauchi. “I’ll bring them in with some tea in about five minutes.” She went to tend to the kitchen. The three teenagers went towards the hallway. Dia was scowling.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t like lying?” asked Chika.

“No. I was just thinking about how Yoshiko’s lying will get her cookies.”

You knocked on the door with the drawing on it. Riko didn’t open the door at first, but they heard movement in her room. Chika squeezed You’s hand. The door opened and Riko welcomed them in with a frown.

The room, for the large part, was in a general state of disarray. There were signs--- a bookshelf, a box of folders, a pencil cup and a label-maker that suggested that at one point the room had been organized to some extent. But that had been a while ago, and none of the mess was disturbed recently.

“Riko…” said You. Riko’s head dipped in shame and embarrassment. You put her arms around her, and they stood like that for a while. Dia tactfully closed the door behind them and Chika tested a box to check its integrity. When it didn’t collapse, she took a seat. Dia remained standing.

“Why did you not tell me you’re coming?” asked Riko. She’d known nothing about this until when Yoshiko’d called, and to go from seeing You and Chika in a few months to seeing You and Chika in a few hours was an adjustment she had to make when she wasn’t ready to deal with anything.

“We thought it might be a nice surprise,” said Chika, realizing, in hindsight, how bad of a mistake this was.

“I’m not ready to see anyone. At least if you let me know beforehand I’d be less unprepared.” Chika gave You an apologetic look, and You grinned a bit to say it was okay. 

“I’m sorry.” You sat next so to Riko, and Dia cleared off a chair. Riko’s shoulders drooped and she could barely raise her head. You slouched to see her face. Riko turned away.

“From what I understand, you didn’t ask for this,” said Dia. “We could leave if you want.” Chika didn’t agree with that, but didn’t say so. She didn’t have a good counterpoint.

Riko shook her head. As much as she wanted, she couldn’t avoid them forever. “I went to Uchiura because I don’t like how things are. It’s not like they’re terrible. They’re… okay. Not great, okay. I think. I don’t know. My mom does okay providing for us. I do pretty good at school. I should be happy right?” She spoke in stops and starts as the sentences came to her. “I’m pretty lonely. I don’t know why. I have a friend I see every day during school. But we can’t really speak to each other. And she doesn’t care enough to hang out outside of school. I don’t either, so why care about her? Yeah? But I do, cause anyways we're friends. 

“I haven’t liked anything for a while. It’s just insubstantial to me. What purpose does it have, sorta. Nothing really feels like it has a purpose. Nothing in my life feels substantial.” Riko took a pause for some breath, and Chika took the opportunity to interrupt.

“Why isn’t your life substantial? While you were playing the piano for us, You told me you won competitions. That’s awesome. I could’ve never done that.” In response Riko held up her hand, spreading out her fingers.

“I was sitting on the grass in a park. I laid back, spread out my arms. Some bastard wearing steel-toed boots wasn’t looking and crushed my hand while he was running. I couldn’t play piano. I had to have surgery to fix my hand, and I had to do rehab so I could relearn piano.

“Piano was my life for so long, right? But. As I was relearning everything. I realized that I didn’t know why I played piano. Some people have passion. I didn’t. Maybe I did at some point. But for the most part I just played because I was expected to. For my teachers. For the competitions. They got me nothing but money. And money’s nice, and it was sorta fun, but I was so lonely.”

“Then we can be your friends,” said You, who leaned over, putting a hand on Riko’s shoulder. Riko wanted to shake it off, but didn’t.

“I won’t be simple to talk to. I won’t be a bundle of sunshine. I won’t be fixable as much as I can see. Every once in a while, too, I get angry or jealous and I can’t fix it and… I just have to leave everyone. I’m not an easy person.” And, thought Riko, I act like a child because I have a fucking crush and am a terrible person.

You waited for Riko to say more. When she didn’t, You put her hand over Riko’s. “I’m here for you,” she said. “I promise. You’re worth it to me.” Riko wasn't convinced, but gave in. She could pretend she believed it. 

“We’re moving to Uchiura. My mom told me,” said Riko, figuring it wasn’t a terrible time to say it.

“That makes me so happy.” You put on an earnest smile, and ran a hand down the back of Riko’s head and along the length of her hair. “You’re okay to me, okay?” Dia pointed at herself and Chika and then the door, but You put up a finger to say, wait a second. “Dia. You think so too. Riko has nothing to worry about.”

“She doesn’t have nothing to worry about,” said Dia. “But, she’s worrying too much about how much a burden she is. We’re all burdens.” You glared at her, not liking the answer given.

Dia felt both unhelpful and unwelcome, like a math teacher giving legal advice. She gestured for Chika to follow her into the hallway. “We’ll tell Riko’s mother you two want some time alone. Call if you need anything.”

 

“Are you sure they won’t want tea and cookies?” asked her mother. Dia shook her head.

“They need time alone, I think. I’ve been through this with my sister.”

“Oh?” said Riko’s mother, putting most of the cookies in a tupperware container lined with paper towelling. Chika kept reaching for the ones on the table, and Riko’s mother wanted to save some for Yoshiko, You and Riko.

“She got mad at me because I told her she couldn’t join a club at school. We made up, but she was so mad she had to spend a few hours recovering. It’s normal.”

“Riko’s mad?” Her mother looked concerned, and Dia wondered how much she should’ve said compared to how much she did.

“No. Not really. Just… private stuff,” said Dia. Riko’s mother’s mouth made an “o” like she understood, and Dia didn’t know if that was entirely true, but everything seemed to be resolving, so there was that. Dia checked the time. She had an hour before she had to leave to make sure she got to the Yamamoto’s on time.

“Nice shirt,” said Riko’s mother. “Is that a popular singer these days? She looks very familiar.”

“They were popular five years ago. She was a member of an idol group.”

“Muse!” said Chika. “They were amazing! I actually started an idol group at my school because of them.”

“That sounds like the sort of thing Riko might like. She’s always liked music.” Riko’s mother put the tupperware of cookies on top of the fridge so no one could get at them. “She’s so shy though.”

“Right?” said Chika. “She played the piano for us in Uchiura. She was soooo good.”

“Miss Sakurauchi?” You and Riko came out of Riko’s room, looking like a dreary rainy day as the rain leaves and the sun hangs over the wet ground, dimmed by the air. “We’re going for a walk. Riko wants to show me a few things.”

“Oh, okay.” She said. “Be back by six for dinner.”

“We will,” said You. They made their way to the entrance and put on their shoes. Dia and Chika didn’t say a thing, watching them. They didn’t know if they should go along. They’d come for Riko, but at the same time Riko and You were prob’ly going to talk more.

When the door’d shut behind them, Riko’s mother asked, “you two aren’t going with?”

“Riko’s more You’s friend. We’re here as moral support,” said Chika.

“Moral support?”

“You’s afraid she’ll get lost in the city,” said Dia, who remembered how she’d gotten lost when she was younger. And also that she was going to have to find her way to the Yamamoto’s by herself. She didn’t know how she didn’t think of that. She’d have to have Ruby come get her. That was going to be so embarrassing. 

And she hadn’t been much of a help, had she? She’d assumed she’d be able to, but Dia saw that her usual way of giving advice wouldn't be useful to Riko. And You was already comforting Riko, which Dia couldn't do. So she’d unusually been very unhelpful, after making a big deal out of coming to Riko’s.

This didn’t seem like it was going to be a good weekend for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long rambling commentary below. Feel free to skip.
> 
> In this fic, Riko is a reflection of me, except I've done nothing as impressive as she has. I kinda wanna run away for a bit like she did in the first chapters, but, like, I dunno. It'd be too much trouble, and not in a good way. I haven't felt like doing anything is entirely worth it, lately. I'm also a little more of a screwhead than she is. I'm trying to do better, but sometimes I catch myself thinking childish or dumb things and become glad I don't have many friends, or else I might do or say something stupid and someone would actually hear it. 
> 
> Her monologue is based emotionally on me, except the exact details are changed. I don't even know why I'm admitting it, I guess I just like talking to people sometimes. I just wish people didn't piss me off so much. But I still like sharing, so if you like reading these notes, hey, I'm glad. 
> 
> I feel guilty just prattling on about this, so I wanna say I hope you're having a nice day.
> 
> Dia's sorta a dork and I tried to put that in this chapter of the fic. She's one of my favorite characters, really. Responsible but a dork, sociable but a little awkward, kind but strict. She's cool, and I kinda wish I was like her. Also her being sorta stuck up is something I relate to.
> 
> Yoshiko's sorta a reflection of me, too. I've made some screw ups, and I just dunno. I don't like them. In a sense I think I end up writing people like Chika to be friends with her and for Dia to like her is generally wish fulfillment for those parts of myself that are screw ups and those parts of myself that are lonely and awkward and try to be funny. 
> 
> You're doomed to write what you know, so you can't really fight it. If you try to fight it, it doesn't turn out well. That's been my experience anyways. I noticed that the characters I liked to write the most are the ones who I can project onto. Maybe you could describe it as empathy, or maybe that's too generous to me. I dunno. 
> 
> Dia being unhelpful is part of a broader theme in this work, I think, that you can't always help someone, because maybe you screw up, maybe they won't let you in, maybe they can't handle you because something you did rightfully or wrongfully pissed them off. And sometimes someone can't be helped, and the best you can do is try to be their for them. Make it easier for them to help themselves. Let them know that they're loved and not alone. It might become more obvious what that means as the fic goes on, I dunno. I promised a happy ending in an earlier commentary, and I want to reiterate that.
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this fic. It means a lot to me, when I post fanfic, that people actually like something I've written. I want to write something original one day, a comic, a novel, a movie maybe, but anytime I want to make something original, I don't really start writing it because it never turns out how I want it and I dunno if people'll read it and like it anyways. So thank you all.
> 
> Thanks for reading, thanks for being patient. We have four more chapters so I'll prob'ly get emotional and over-talkative in the notes again for one or two of them. Feel free to skip those notes if you feel like it. I do these more for me anyways.


	9. A Pillow Wet With Drool or Tears

Ninth Part: A Pillow Wet With Drool or Tears  
22---  
Riko sat on the bench, in the corner of the park that people didn’t go very often because there wasn’t anything there except a dried up pond. This bench is under a tree, and she appreciated the cool shade the tree provides.

You came over and hands her a can of soda. Riko thanked her as she opened it up. You sat next to her. You thought the shade is too cool, too dark, but she didn’t say anything. As far as she was concerned, it was Riko’s time to talk. She had something to say, she’d told You.

 

“I left Uchiura because of Chika,” said Riko.

“Did Chika do something?” asked You. Riko laughed bitterly at herself.

“She got better. Quickly.” Riko leaned against You, figuring that You would let her. She wasn’t wrong. “I’m not mad at her. That would be stupid,” she made sure to add. “But it took a few days to get back to her old self. After such a big failure.” You put her hand on Riko’s, unconsciously, and without much self-awareness. “I haven’t really failed at anything, but I haven’t gotten back to my old self in years. Not close.”

“Chika’s not back to her old self.”

“No. She’s not. But she’s close, isn’t she? Think of how quickly she bounced back. From zero to seventy-five percent of what she was. From zero to ninety percent. In days. In a week. And I can never get anything together. Never.” Riko’s head had been bowed, and for the first time she notices water stains on her jeans. “Oh. I’m crying. This is the first time that’s happened. Ha.”

“Riko. You’ll be okay. I promise.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” said Riko. “That and the fact that… well… I don’t want you to have to deal with me when the emotions flood out. Because it’s not like this happens all day, I can act normal sometimes. But, when I’m like this. I don’t want you to deal with me. Especially because I like you. Romantically.” Nice job being awkward about it, thought Riko.

Riko looked at You’s face but couldn’t read her reaction.

“Imagine me in a relationship,” said Riko. “I got so goddamn depressed because Chika was happy. That’s screwed up. Fuck me. Y’know?” You didn't know exactly what to think, except that she’d seen something in Riko that was beautiful. Riko herself was pretty too, of course.

And, Riko wants to get close to her. That made You very happy. 

“I don’t think you’d be so bad. I’d like going out with you” said You. Riko looked at You, surprised. You smiled and wrapped an arm around Riko. Riko’d wondered how it’d feel to be held in You’s arms. She was suddenly conscious of it, in this context, and as You wrapped her other arm around her, Riko closed her eyes and thought that You’s arms were very warm.

“I’d like going out with you too.”

“So, Dia suggested something,” said You. “How about we spend tomorrow together. You and me alone. We can have fun together, go see the sights. We can figure it out. Does that sound good to you?”

“Mm. Yeah.”

23---  
“The fallen angel Yohane graces you with her presence. My little demons, I presume you have missed me,” said Yoshiko. Dia rolled her eyes at that entrance. She put on her coat, grateful that the Yamamotos had driven Yoshiko to Riko’s so she didn’t have to ask her sister to come get her. Her embarrassment has been avoided.

“I’m not your little demon,” said Dia.

“Of course not Miss Kurosawa,” said Yoshiko in a voice that didn’t show any of the fear she had. Dia chuckled as she waved goodbye.

“See you tomorrow. And Yoshiko?”

“It’s Yo-- Yes Dia?”

“Be the good girl I know you are and behave.” She shut the door behind her, and Yoshiko sighed with relief. She didn’t think at the time what she’d done was so bad. It would’ve brought You right to Riko, right? That was the plan, call Riko and ask her to meet them and show them around. Yoshiko crossed her arms. It was something she had to think about more to understand, she thought.

“Yoshiko?” asked Chika.

“It’s Yohane!”

“Yoshikane,” said Chika. “How was your day with the Yamamotos?”

“Cool! He knew a lot about Tokyo. He showed me a building that’d been built before Tokyo burnt down! He also showed us some museums and a World War II monument. He and I didn’t always get along though…”

“Because you act like a fallen angel?” said Chika. Riko’s mother looked up from cutting up the cabbage for dinner. Not thinking much more of it she went back to it.

“Yeah.”

“Like a fallen angel?” asked Riko’s mother, suddenly listening.

“Yoshikane---” “Yohane!” “---thinks she’s a fallen angel,” said Chika. Riko’s mother nodded, took that in, evaluated what exactly that’d mean, and decided it was prob’ly no more harmful than when her brother pretended to be a fighting robot.

“Nice to meet you Yoshikane.” Yoshiko frowned. “I’m Riko’s mother.”

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me.” Yoshiko scanned the room. “Where’re You and Riko?”

“They’re spending some time together,” said Riko’s mother.

“Will they be back?” asked Yoshiko.

“Hmm?” said Riko’s mother, who hadn’t been listening.

“She said she’d be back soon. I asked You,” said Chika.

“Riko texted me too. We’ll have dinner when they get back.” Unless, thought Riko’s mother, they happen to step through the doorway right… now. She was disappointed when they didn’t, but it wasn’t important. Just something to think about while she chopped up cabbage.

“Kinda crappy of them to leave you and Dia alone,” said Yoshiko.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” said Chika, who was more conscious that they were in earshot of Riko’s mother.

“You can go watch TV in the living room while you wait. They won’t be long, but dinner won’t be ready for another half-hour.” Riko’s mother didn’t really take offense, because it wasn’t wrong, per se, but it was her daughter, so she didn’t really want to hear it.

Chika and Yoshiko sat on the couch and turned on the TV. Chika looked around for a TV guide. Yoshiko absentmindedly flipped through the channels, figuring half-chance they didn’t have a guide and the channels wouldn’t have the same numbers.

“What do you feel like watching?”

“Dunno.” She kept flipping through the channels, not stopping on any one thing. It was the sort of day that made channel flipping more relaxing for her than watching an actual show would. 

“Wanna watch an idol show? I think one’s on right now on --- channel.”

“Not really.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“C’mon.”

“I’m getting a little sick of idols.” Yoshiko hadn’t had enough control to reduce the edge in her voice. Chika pouted. Yoshiko did her best to ignore her. She couldn’t for very long because Chika scooted closer to her.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Yoshiko shrugged. She couldn’t really say she wasn’t.

“I’m a little annoyed at you still.”

“Because I ran away?” Chika had a more vulnerable demeanor, Yoshiko noticed. Yoshiko had an apathetic air to her, in contrast.

“Yeah.”

“I’m mad at me too.”

“Good.” Chika became limp, which lead her to put almost all of her weight against Yoshiko. Yoshiko half-heartedly pushed her, but she wouldn’t budge. Yoshiko closed her eyes to count to ten. She whispered, “I forgive you, okay? It’ll take some time for reality to catch up.” It wasn’t entirely true, but Yoshiko’d mostly forgiven Chika. Mostly.

“Yoshiko.” Chika wrapped her arms around her friend. “I’m sorry.”

“I know that much, idiot. Oh, the Ring,” said Yoshiko, landing on a channel.

“This is a horror movie, isn’t it? Couldn’t you turn on something funny? Or dramatic?”

“If you can get the remote,” said Yoshiko, “you can have the television.” Chika released her arms and reached for the remote but Yoshiko grabbed it and moved, causing Chika to topple over on the couch. “But to do so you must rend this device from my hands. Hahaha.” Yoshiko waved the remote as she backed away from Chika, who went from a crawl to a stand as she followed her.

Chika lunged at her and they landed in the kitchen. Riko’s mother regarded them with the eyes of someone who’d grown up with four wild brothers and saw much worse than two girls wrestling.

“I don’t mind you two playing, but please control yourselves so you don’t break anything.”

Chika wrested the remote from Yoshiko and stood, holding it up into the air as if it were a trophy. Yoshiko grabbed Chika by the arm and brought her to the ground.

The door opened, and Chika looked over to see them come in. She was holding, she thought, the remote, and when Yoshiko crawled out from under her she waved it in victory. “Why are you waving a pepper shaker Chika?” asked You. Yoshiko stood in the doorway to the living room, waving the remote. Chika looked at what was in her hand, and saw it was a plastic, rectangular pepper shaker.

Yoshiko had grabbed it somehow and replaced it with the remote to trick Chika.

Chika watched Yoshiko indignantly until she heard Riko’s mother say, “please set the pepper shaker down before it spills on the floor.” Chika apologized and set it on the table. “She was fighting with Yoshikane for the remote.”

“It’s Yohoshik--- Yohane!” said Yoshiko, in the living room.

“Did you two have fun?” Riko’s mother glanced at You and Riko for their reactions. Neither of them looked too excited, she was disappointed to see. Maybe it hadn’t gone as well as they’d hoped.

“Yeah,” said You.

“Are we late for dinner?” asked Riko. Her mother shook her head.

“No. Your friends were a little lonely though, I think.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” said Chika. “We had fun talking to Mrs. Sakurauchi.” She took a seat at the kitchen table, pulling out her phone to tell her sister about what was going on. Riko and You took seats there too.

“Well you’re sweet,” said Riko’s mother.

“Mom, You caught me up on their plans. Do you mind if I spend tomorrow hanging out with You?”

“Go ahead. I could see what some of my old friends are up to, I haven’t hung around with them for a while.” Riko and You looked at each other, and smiled, but without much vigor. Chika wasn’t sure what to think of it. “Maybe you should go and sit with Yoshikane. I’m sure she’s lonely in there by herself.”

“I’m not lonely! If I want to talk to someone I’ll join you guys!” Chika got up and stalked in the direction of the living room like a leopard closing in on her prey.

“That sounds like there’s some energy in---” “No---” “you for another---” “No! No!---” “Wrestling match!” Chika ran and tackled Yoshiko, who continued complaining to the point that Riko’s mother considered telling them to be quiet. But Riko’d been a quiet kid and her mother missed her own childhood, so she let it pass.

24---  
Riko’s mother walked into the living room typing on her phone. “One of you can take the couch, two can fit in the bed in the guest room, or we have three futons. I aired them out just in case.”

“You can sleep with me,” said Riko. Her mother looked her over, and looked You over. You had some muscles on her, a cute face, and she seemed to be the friendly type, though not in the same way as Chika. She seemed more… teenagery. 

“Don’t stay up all night. The walls are thin, Riko. We can hear if you two're playing.” Riko blushed. Her mother meant well, and was only trying to make sure Riko acted responsibly, but her mother also had very few boundaries. She was a very open sort of person. At least, Riko thought, she tried to hide a bit what she meant.

Chika and You didn’t seem to pick up on it, but Riko swore she heard Yoshiko cackling quietly. Oh god.

“Yoshiko, let’s share the guest bed!” Chika had the sort of smile that said, either listen to me or think up a good argument. I’m too excited to back down except for the best reason.

“I’ve never shared a bed before,” said Yoshiko. Riko liked the look of horror she had on her face. That’s what you get for cackling at me, she thought.

“But Yoshiko, won’t it be cool? Like we’re little kids at a sleepover.” Yoshiko hadn’t been to any sleepovers in her life, so she had no way of knowing whether that was normal or not, and was too embarrassed to ask, so she gave in.

“Fine. But if I wake up while you’re asleep, I’m moving to the couch.”

“Not a good idea,” said Riko. “I slept on the couch one night and mom sat on me in the morning. She’s not awake until she’s had an hour or two.” Yoshiko crossed her arms, lamenting her lot.

 

“We’re hanging with Ruby and Dia tomorrow. Maybe the others and Hanamaru’s relatives too,” said Yoshiko, checking the groupchat on her phone. “They’re figuring out what Hanamaru and Dia wanna do.” Chika was Chika, but wasn’t particularly rowdy in bed. It had something to do with how lazy she was, Yoshiko assumed. Too lazy to sleep restlessly.

“Oh. Cool!” Chika snuggled up under the blankets. Yoshiko did the same, in spite of herself. Maybe it was because Chika kept trying to get close to her, or maybe she couldn’t be mad at someone so happy. But she knew that she’d end up twice as pissed tomorrow because of it. 

“Ruby’d be so jealous if she heard we shared a bed, so don’t tell her,” Yoshiko said smart-assedly. She was half-asleep when Chika said what she said next.

“Does she have a crush on me?” A now wide-awake Yoshiko didn’t respond, to not confirm nor deny. “She does, doesn’t she?” Yoshiko looked at Chika’s face to see the harm she’d do by saying more. “That’s so cute.”

“Would you say yes?” asked Yoshiko.

“Of course,” said Chika. “She’s so cute and nice and talented. She and You made all our costumes. They did such a good job.” Chika got a familiar look on her face. Yoshiko swore in her head. “If only I did a better job.”

“You did great Chika. I promise,” said Yoshiko, even though she didn’t want to. She had a lot on her mind. Dia was mad at her, which was her own damn fault. Chika kept trying to be close when all Yoshiko needed was space. She spent all of the past day being criticized by Mr. Yamamoto. 

I keep screwing up, she thought to herself.

 

Riko was curled up in You’s arms. She kept focusing on how warm they felt to distract her from what she was about to admit. “I don’t know if I want friends.”

“What?”

“The closer I get to what I want… the more I feel like I don’t want anything. I don’t know if it’s too scary or too much in general. But I don’t know.” She grabbed onto You’s wrists so she wouldn’t be able to let her go. You didn’t seem to move at all though.

“You’re overthinking this.” Riko shook her head. She didn’t know what was going on, really. That was the trouble. She didn’t know herself. And when she did discover things about herself, it was things like becoming so frustrated because Chika was doing better. So petty.

“I don’t know. I’m not so great, despite what you might think.” Riko felt You nuzzling into the crook of her neck. She was going to cry. This was what she really, really wanted, but she was going to cry. “I’m sorry this isn’t simple. I’m so sorry.” She felt You hold her more tightly.

“I’m okay with things not being simple.”

“Why’re you so understanding?” You got tense, Riko could tell. Riko prepared for You to say any number of reasonable and unreasonable things.

“I… don’t like there being any distance between me and anyone else. When I’ve gone a few days without talking to any of my friends… I get frustrated. Angry, sometimes, even. I. I’m happy that you’re talking to me like this. It means there’s less of a distance.”

“So you like talking, then?” said Riko. You laughed.

“Yeah. Yeah I really do. And I’ll do anything to make sure there’s as little distance between me and my friends as possible. Because you want to be with me, I’ll try especially hard for you. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

Funnily enough, thought Riko, there’s so much that needs to be said, but nothing that I can think of saying. Riko closed her eyes, felt You’s body warmth. You was adapting to this oddly well. She’d have to talk to her about that tomorrow, but right now she enjoyed it. The closeness, the intimacy. It was sorta romantic.

Maybe I’ll always be like this, thought Riko, bitterly. Always be emotionally dull or sycophantic my entire life. Unable to represent a whole self. Able only to be the statue that moves, or the person that is made of stone, but not a real human.

Because Riko wanted a lot of things, but also, somehow, Riko didn’t want anything. Not human touch, not a relationship, not sex, not a good job, not an apartment. She wanted all of those, but on approach, putting herself in a realistic fantasy where she had those things, she didn’t want them. Somehow. She didn’t understand it. Maybe it was apathy. Right now, this moment, was so good. So loving. So pleasant. 

But there was something wrong.

It was probably herself, Riko thought.

You’s arms went limp, and Riko could hear her breathing soften, and knew that You’d fallen asleep. Riko tried not to think about things, tried to let herself live only in the moment. Just do what she had to do so things got done right. Like that, maybe this could work. Maybe everything could be okay. Despite her stupid feelings and stupid not wanting and jealousy and everything.

It’d come to her so easily. Finally, today it’d come. But it’d solved nothing. Things got better, but they didn’t feel better. It wasn’t at all how she thought it should be. It felt like a rip-off.

When Riko woke up in the morning, her pillow was wet. She couldn’t tell if it was from drool or tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoshiko's not really tired of idols, she's just in a bad mood.
> 
> We're getting pretty close to the end. I'm getting more nervous as we do.
> 
> Depression's a bitch, and it means that sometimes you can't feel good no matter what you do. I've tried to keep it interesting by having it develop a bit, slowly and meaningfully revealed, and adding some comedy here and there, so I hope the story's still likable. I dunno.
> 
> A lot of Riko's thoughts in this chapter are pretty similar to my own. When I get introspective, anyways. There's a lot of times I don't think about anything, and don't engage with anything. Maybe it's a defense mechanism?
> 
> Not much to say about this chapter otherwise. Yoshiko's still mad at Chika, and Chika won't give her space is something I felt reflected Chika's character pretty well.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the story still :p


	10. Chapter 10

Tenth Part: What’s Up, Hoes?  
25---  
“Morning Yocchan,” managed Riko. She blew on the cup of tea and took a drink. It was still too hot.

“Yocchan?” Yoshiko didn’t know what to think of that name. She sat at the table, grabbing a cup and pouring herself some tea. She heard Riko’s mother in the kitchen, humming along to a retro radio station on a portable radio.

“Yoshikane’s too weird,” said Riko. 

“It’s Yohane!”

“So, how’d you sleep, Yocchan?” Yoshiko put on a sour face but relaxed. It was a better nickname than what Chika’d forced onto her.

“Fine. Chika must’ve had a good dream because she was chewing on my hair when I woke up.” Riko had to resist the urge to spit out her tea. She gulped it down awkwardly and laughed. “You’re less grim than last night.” Riko gave a hesitant smile. She checked to make sure her mother wasn’t in earshot.

“I’m better in the mornings. And after a while, you get used to it. Every once in a while you remember how you feel, but you can get by day-to-day, unless something pisses you off.” Yoshiko thought she might be looking in a mirror.

“It’s hard, isn’t it?” whispered Yoshiko. “Like a curse.”

“It is, yeah,” said Riko.

“Like you should feel better, but you don’t. Everyone's so nice but it doesn't help. That what it’s like?” 

“Y-yeah. And everything just feels so empty. Almost like there’s no feeling at all.”

“It gets better. It did for me. It took a while and I had to get used to it, but it did.” There’s a certain comfort in talking to someone who shares your problems. Riko felt oddly relieved.

“I don’t know if it will.”

“Feel free to talk to me. I’ve gone through things like this before, I think. Chika didn’t give all the details about what’s going on with you, but…” Riko cringed, not sure what to think of any of this.

“Alright.” She paused. “Can I text you.”

“You don’t have my number.”

“This is me asking for it.”

“Oh!” Yoshiko rattled off her phone number.

“Breakfast’s almost done!” called Riko’s mother. Yoshiko and Riko gave each other a look that meant they’d pick it up later if they’d get a chance.

“Oh, all eight of us are having dinner at Mari’s tonight, apparently. I guess Dia decided it, so as long as Mari’s okay with it.”

“Cool,” said Riko. Yoshiko tapped on the tabletop, thinking it over.

“Wanna come?” she asked.

“What?”

“You’ll probably ask you, but in case you two are too busy for her to check her messages, I mind as well invite you.” Riko mulled over the question. She didn’t know how well she’d get along with everyone. It might end in a disaster. But that described this entire week anyways, and she felt too awkward saying no.

“I’ll go,” said Riko. “So You prob’ly doesn’t even know yet?”

“Nope,” said Yoshiko.

“So, how’d you get a name like Yoshikane anyways?” Yoshiko let out a long, exasperated sigh.

“My mortal name is Yoshiko. But my real name is Yohane. I usually prefer being called that.” Yoshiko rubbed the back of her head. “But I don’t mind being called Yocchan, really.” Riko nodded. Yoshiko leaned back in her chair so she could see into the hallway. “It’s kinda weird for You to be asleep. Chika said she jogs in the morning.”

“Oh?” said Riko. Yoshiko thought of something, and leaned in towards Riko conspiratorially. She put a hand to her mouth and whispered.

“Did You get her exercise last night?” Riko slapped Yoshiko, who just laughed.

“Yocchan!”

“Oh. Nevermind,” whispered Yoshiko, and Riko wasn’t sure why she even bothered to listen. “The walls are thin, so we would’ve heard.”

“I will kill you.” 

26---  
Dia texted Chika that they were at the mall in the groupchat. Ruby did the same, and Dia looked to her left to her sister, smiling. She’d help Ruby tell Chika her feelings as well as she could. Chika wasn’t perfect, and Dia had reservations, but Ruby was her own person.

It’s worth noting at this point that Dia assumed she’d chaperone their first date. Or two.

The mall had three floors. The second floor had a hole in the middle, balconies overlooking the lobby on the first. The third floor was closed off, but had a number if skylights for natural lighting, both to save the mall a little electrical and for ecological efficiency.

A lot of people had that distracted look on them. Some of them were counting their cash in their heads, struggling to remember exactly how much that and that costed, and how much they’d cost together, and it’d be easier if they opened their wallet, but they were lazy… Others were simply overstimulated in general. Others didn’t really want to be there, but it was the only place that had a cafe and a clothing store or gaming store or bookstore, so. And some had other things on their mind.

Kiosks and stores lined the walls, pretty things, in a very modern, efficient, soulless way.

Dia, Hanamaru, Ruby and the Yamamotos went into a cafe and ordered coffee and food. The Yamamotos insisted on paying, which Dia was grateful for, but it made her feel a bit guilty. Dia waited for Ruby to tell the others where they were, and forgot to do so herself, until her phone buzzed. She had ten notifications and Mari was calling her.

“Diaaaaa!” Mari yelled into the phone. Dia out her phone on speaker and set it down so she wouldn’t have that right up to her ear. “Where are you. You didn’t say in the groupchaaaat.”

“I thought Ruby would.” She looked at her sister. “Ruby, would you mind messaging the others, please?”

“Sure, sis,” said Ruby.

“Why not just tell uuuuuus,” said Mari.

“Because we have to let the others know too. I’ll tell you once I find the name on the menu.”

“How many more drinks are we buying?” asked Mr. Yamamoto, whose wife almost shushed him, but actually that was a good question. They’d done well for themselves, but they didn’t wanna have to pay for eight children all day.

“We can pay for ourselves after this,” said Dia. “We’re not your relatives, Hanamaru is.”

“No, no,” said Mrs. Yamamoto. “We’re happy to buy you each a little something, but let’s top it off at 8000 yen?” Mr. Yamamoto nodded, a little reluctantly, but spread the money around, let everyone have a share, he assured himself. “That should be enough shouldn’t it.”

“That’s more than enough. That’s too generous actually,” said Dia. “Maybe just buy us lunch, since we’ll be at Mari’s hotel for dinner.”

“They can come too!” said Mari. “They can have their bar tab covered on me! Well, on my parents cause I can’t buy alcohol, but they’ll take it out of my allowance.”

“Lady,” said Mr. Yamamoto, a tinge testily, though he tried his best to hide it, “I guarantee you couldn’t afford my drinking habits, and I don’t drink or eat on charity. Me and the wife will go have dinner by ourselves. We’re glad Hanamaru even wanted to spend time with us, with how disconnected young people are from their roots these days.”

“Thank you,” said Hanamaru giving him a hug.

“Hmmph,” said Mari. “Well, where are you? Kanan and I are in the lobby.” Dia looked out the window and thought she saw them. She picked up a menu to read the name of the cafe. She squinted, trying to read the katakana they put above the French name of the cafe.

“Petales-de-Rose-Dans-L’eau Cafe. Did I pronounce that right?”

“Tres bien! I’ll be there in a minute! And I’m buying everyone’s drinks!” Dia terminated the call and looked at Mr. Yamamoto apologetically. “She’s a lot.”

“Does she always throw around her money like that?” he asked. He didn’t like being flagrant with money.

“It’s a habit of hers…”

“Ruuuuubbyyyyyy!” said Chika.

“Diiiiiiaaaaaaa!” said Mari.

“Mari!” said Kanan.

They ran into the cafe very-not-quietly. Other people stared, but then went back to their own food and conversations once they saw it was just some noisy teens. Chika hugged Ruby, and Mari did the same to Dia while Kanan ran in to restrain her. Dia and Mr. Yamamoto both grumbled in sync how inappropriate and loud they were being in a public place.

“Ch-chika!” said Ruby, blushing wildly.

“Mari, get off of me!”

“Oh Dia! You know you love me sweet all day and night!” “-How’re you doing today, Ru-” “Don’t say it like that Mari! It’s decept-” “-So Ru-” “But it’s true, isn’t it?” “-Ruby, how-” “I’ll agree if you say it in a diff-” “Let me talk to Ruby!” “It’s Mari being loud! Not me!” “Behold, ‘tis I, the fallen angel Yohane!”

“Everyone be quiet!” yelled Dia, taking Mari’s arms from around her forcefully. She stood up and faced Mari. She also glanced out of the corner of her eye. “Chika, if you’re going to be so energetic, be quiet about it.” She faced Mari again. “Please, please, please don’t be so obnoxious today.” Mari sighed overdramatically to get across her reluctance.

“Fiiiine. Kanan. what do you want to drink?” They talked about it as they went over to the counter to see what they had and to order.

“Yoshiko,” said Dia. “Thank you for not being the most obnoxious and annoying person I’ve had to deal with for the first time in a while.” Yoshiko followed Mari and Kanan over to the counter, feeling hurt. Dia sat back down and buried her head in her hands. “I don’t want to be uptight, but I let myself out of my comfort zone, and where does it get me…”

“So, Ruby,” said Chika. “Wanna do karaoke? I wanna hear your Shunjou Romantic~~~” At least she’s not yelling, Dia thought. Ruby blushed.

“Isn’t that… a romance song?” asked Ruby. Dia raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” said Chika. “Yes it is.” Something happened last night to make Chika so affectionate. Dia couldn’t immediately tell what.

“You should ask Yoshiko to join you,” said Dia. “Wanna go clothes shopping Hanamaru?” Hanamaru pouted and crossed her arms.

“We should go too,” said Hanamaru. “They might have some songs for my aunt and uncle to sing.”

“If all five of us go, Mari and Kanan will want to come too, and imagine what songs they’ll sing.” Hanamaru wanted to say that Mari’d choose appropriate songs, but that was a gamble. On the upside, most of the songs would be metal and possibly Scandinavian, so no one’d understand the lyrics anyhow.

“Go spend time with your friends,” said Mrs. Yamamoto. “We expected this when you mentioned the mall. Just promise us we can buy you something for your trip later.” Hanamaru hugged her aunt. 

“Thank you guys. I love you.”

“It was time we got out of the house anyways,” said Mr. Yamamoto.

“What up hoes?” asked Mari, in a very casual way. Dia glared at her, and would’ve had words with her if Kanan hadn’t dragged her out of the cafe and into the general cafeteria. Dia looked at the Yamamotos, struggling to keep up her composure.

“She has… good qualities, I promise.”

28---  
“What was inappropriate about that?” asked Mari. “It’s how I talk all the time.” The seven teens sat in the karaoke parlor, waiting for Chika to try and find a song for her and Yoshiko to sing while Ruby works up her nerve.

“Words have appropriate social contexts. You do Not call a middle-aged man and woman ‘hoes.’”

“I call my parents that. They understand what I mean.” Dia gestured wildly, unable to find the words to convey exactly what was wrong with that. She gave up and went over to the door.

“Anyone want something to drink now that we’re settled?” she asked. She needed a little time away from her best-friend-slash-annoyance. Everyone started yelling drink orders, but Yoshiko stood up.

“I’ll help you get them,” she said. Dia bit her lip so she didn’t tell Yoshiko not to come, and nodded politely. They left the room, but it wasn’t much more quiet. One group had left a door open, and Dia had to close it so she could hear her thoughts. For once, Yoshiko was being incredibly quiet.

They started filling the drinks at the drink fountain when Yoshiko finally said, “so, I sorta-but-not-really let Chika know Ruby likes her.”

“Sorta-but-not-really?” asked Dia. That explained Chika’s weird behavior, she thought to herself.

“I made a joke and Chika guessed right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Yoshiko prepared for a scolding, though unless it was on par with Dia’s last scolding, it wouldn’t have much of an effect.

“It’s alright,” said Dia. “You didn’t mean to.”

“Really? You’re not gonna yell at me again?”

“No. Last time, you meant to do what you did. And it was incredibly rude to Riko and her mother.” Dia put the drinks on a tray. She set the tray aside and grabbed a second one. “I wonder how they’re doing.”

“Last I asked Riri, she and You were doing fine. They were going up into Tokyo Tower.” Yoshiko picked up the tray of drinks, paying extra attention to herself to make sure she didn’t trip.

“You have her number?”

“She gave it to me this morning.” Dia’d filled up the drinks for the second tray, so she picked it up and made her way back into the hallway towards the group’s room. Yoshiko followed after her.

“Sorry for calling you the most annoying thing I’ve had to deal with lately.”

“I’d forgotten you said it.”

“I haven’t.” Dia swallowed her pride to let herself be honest. “You’re nice to hang around with, most of them time. This weekend you’ve been taxing on my nerves, but usually I want to get closer to you.” Dia wasn’t aware she was blushing, but Yoshiko was. And so Yoshiko blushed too.

“You’re a very nice person sometimes.” Yoshiko treated that like a compliment, so Dia assumed it was.

“Th-thank you.” Dia moved to the side of the hallway to let another group of high-schoolers pass. Yoshiko did the same, thought she didn’t really know why. Once they’d passed, they walked again.

“I’m serious. You always act so strict, and sometimes I’m a weirdo---”

“The correct term is ‘misfit.’” Dia’d meant it as a joke, but saw that it didn’t land. Yoshiko took it seriously, though it didn’t clash with her persona, so she wasn’t affected much.

“If we’re being technical, I’m truly a fallen angel.”

“Right.” Dia smiled back at her, and Yoshiko thought it was one of the prettiest things she’d ever seen. Yoshiko gave a smile back and felt better, but a little tired. These past few weeks had been a variety of difficult things.

“I wish I could be more like you. You get more respect than I do.”

“You’re fine, Yoshiko. None of us are perfect.” Dia set the tray on a table, and Yoshiko mimicked her again. Dia tussled Yoshiko’s hair. “I know I’m too impatient and strict. Ruby tells me it a lot.”

“Don’t rub my head like I’m a kid.”

“Don’t act like one,” said Dia, in a friendly way. Yoshiko stuck out her tongue at her. They grabbed the trays and approached the door to Aqours’s karaoke room. Dia frowned, moving her eyes from the tray to the door. Yoshiko shook her head and kicked the door a few times.

“Thanks.” The door opened and they joined the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea. This chapter feels awkward. I've cut out a bit here and there and added crap and it still feels weird. Oh well. 
> 
> I always feel weird when I try writing jokes. What's the internet equivalent of someone looking at you cluelessly bc you said something that doesn't make logical sense or is just too weird? That's what I'm afraid of,
> 
> 8000 yen is about $75, so it may or may not be as much as you think it is. 
> 
> Yeah... so... I feel a little weird and a little burnt out. Next chapter might be up Wednesday, Friday, or next week. Idk. Prob'ly Wednesday or else I'll feel guilty, but letting you know in case it takes longer than usual. I'd post it as is, but I wanna think over a few things that happen later on. Some things feel... I dunno if I handled them correctly, and wanna make sure I did. Trepidation, y'know?
> 
> Thank you for reading. I'm grateful for all of you, especially if you leave kudos or comments.


	11. I Will Take Good Care of You, I Will Take Good Care of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts

CONTENT WARNING: Mentions of suicidal thoughts

Eleventh Part: I Will Take Good Care of You, I Will Take Good Care of You  
29---  
You checked her phone.

YOU: On our way.  
CHIKA: You!  
CHIKA: meet us in the lobby by the cool fountain  
CHIKA: youll know what I mean when you see it  
CHIKA: dia kanan mari are shopping for graduation gifts 4 each other and hanamaru is with her folks, so its me and ruby and yoshiko if you want to join us  
CHIKA: please say yes i want to spend time with you <3  
YOU: Got it. Me and Riko will meet you guys by the cool fountain.

You felt Riko lean against her. Riko’d gotten tired so quickly, but stayed awake the whole morning. It was almost like a date, and it prob’ly was, but You couldn’t tell. They hadn’t really talked about what any of this was, which she’d never thought was a conversation she’d need to have, but their relationship had somehow ended up sort of ambiguous.

Plus… You didn’t really know what she was doing. This was a way to make her friend happy, right? You wanted a girlfriend, or at least liked girls, so they’d make a good couple? Shit, that was kinda shallow. But they were both a good match, weren’t they?

It weighed on You that, well, they maybe shouldn’t have gotten together the way they did. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. And she and Riko had fun this morning. Riko was pretty quiet, but they were having fun. They enjoyed each other’s company.

You leaned against Riko a little bit, and thought about it from what she thought was a neutral point of view, which was that everything was going fine, she thought Riko was cute, they got along. She’d be an idiot to throw away something that was going well, right?

Except she was still scared.

The train stopped and You woke up Riko.

 

“Yoshiko!” called You. Riko said something to You and strayed off to go get something. You met Yoshiko at the bench and sat beside her heavily. “Where are Chika and Ruby?”

“Ruby asked Chika to go gets drinks for you two. I think Ruby’s finally going to confess to Chika while they do.”

“Riko’s getting herself coffee though.” You sighed. They were all doing their own thing, they each had their own direction, and it was making this weekend more complicated than might’ve been healthy.

“She’ll have some water to drink afterwards then.”

“Mm.” You leaned back on the bench and stretched, her limbs not used to walking as little as they did. She couldn’t wait to get back to Uchiura. She couldn’t go for morning runs in a city. She needed fresh, open air, she needed to know where everyone was, she needed familiar faces she could wave to if they happened to be out.

“What’d you two do?”

“Went to Otonokizaka, Riko goes there actually, and we went to a museum, and wandered around a park.” You got a look that she thought might become common in the next few month. “She didn’t seem as happy when she was at the school though, even though she suggested it.”

“Really?” Yoshiko saw Riko approaching them, holding a cup of coffee, the lid taken off. Riko blew onto the coffee to cool it down. “She’s coming.”

“That was quick,” said You.

“There wasn’t anyone in line. It’s after lunch so I guess it’s a slow period.” Riko sat beside You. “How was your morning Yocchan?” Yoshiko shrugged.

“I’ve had fun. We did karaoke.”

“I kinda wish I was here for that.” Riko shyly reached for You’s hand, and gave it a squeeze. “But I wanted to spent time alone with You.”

“Can I ask a question?” asked Yoshiko.

“Go ahead?”

“Are you two dating?” Riko and You looked at each other, and Riko was the first to answer.

“Yes.” You took a breath. Their relationship was what she thought it was, so that much was certain at this point. She’d have to get a chance to talk to Riko about it soon. You absentmindedly checked her phone to give her something to do.

“That’s why You came all the way here,” said Yoshiko. “It also makes you two sleeping in the same bed a---”

“Chika says go ahead. Ruby started crying but she says she’s happy crying.” You stood up and held out a hand for Riko. “C’mon Riko. We’re not sitting down yet, apparently.” Riko grabbed You’s hand and got pulled up.

“Ruby’s crying?” asked Riko.

“I think she and Chika got together,” You put her hands behind her head casually. “We’re not the only couple that got together on this trip. This weekend’s just catnip for good luck.”

“Yeah,” said Riko, sipping her coffee to hide her frown.

 

Five or so minutes ago, Chika was getting antsy. She was impatient by nature. Once she had her mind set on doing something, she could spend her time focused and diligent and take a while doing it. But when she hadn’t even started yet…

Ruby really ought to say it already, thought Chika. Say something, say something. We’re alone and you like me, so say something.

“What do you think Riko will want? I know You likes cherry soda, but what would Riko want?”

Not that, thought Chika.

She shrugged, searching her brain for an answer. “I think she had orange juice in her fridge, so maybe juice?” She looked around this section of the mall for a vending machine. She spotted one, and pulled Ruby over to it. Ruby skimmed the selection.

“Hey Ruby. Ruby.” Chika tapped her on the shoulder, and she looked up at Chika. “Do you like me?” The direct approach worked wonders for her life, and Chika was tired of waiting. Ruby’s face went red and she looked away from Chika’s gaze.

Chika didn’t say anything else, so Ruby sighed and nodded. “I like you.” She figured it wouldn’t do any good to lie, and at least now she’d get an answer, but she didn’t expect that it’d be so abrupt. “How’d you know?”

“I guessed,” said Chika, who didn’t want to implicate Yoshiko. “Um, so do you want to go out?”

And then Chika was on her back, Ruby’s arms around her waist, and Ruby crying into her stomach, and she didn’t know how long this would take, so she better call You and let her know they’d be a bit.

When the crying stopped, Ruby looked at Chika, smiling. “Sorry. These past few weeks have been a lot. Um, sorry. You probably know that more than me, though.”

“It’s fine.” Chika pulled Ruby into another hug. “And right now, I have the cutest, cutest, cuuuutest girlfriend, and I’m so happy.” Chika froze, realizing that she meant it. There was something odd and salvational for her about this. Maybe it was that things were so great, even though they were bad. The school was going to close down, Dia and Kanan and Mari were going to different countries, and Aqours hadn’t come close to winning Love Live.

But Chika got Ruby, she and Yoshiko were friends still, Riko was doing better, thankfully, Dia and Kanan and Mari made-up. You got a girlfriend, Chika thought, but wasn’t so sure. You never outright said it.

Everything’d turned out fine, and here was proof. Chika started crying herself, taking her turn. “Chika?” asked Ruby.

“I’m just so happy.”

 

You held an outfit in front of Riko. “Yoshiko, how do you think this looks?”

“Does it not look good on me?” asked Riko. You shook her head, made a face. Riko pouted, not sure exactly what to think of that.

“It doesn’t look bad, but something else might fit your style better.”

“O-ho-ho, do my little demons need the Great Angel Yohane’s assistance?” Riko deadpanned a glare at Yoshiko, who gave the outfit a serious once-over. Yoshiko shook her head. “I don’t think this will work. You might wanna try some of the clothes over there.” Yoshiko pointed in a random and, she hoped, appropriate direction. “I’ll help Riko put away the ones you took off the hangers.”

“Yousor-okay!” You went in the direction that Yoshiko pointed.

“So what’s wrong,” said Yoshiko as she and Riko began to put away the clothes. Ever since they’d left the fountain Riko’d gotten more and more crabby. Something was on her mind.

“What?”

“As a fellow spawn of hell with whom you have bonded, I have the ability to sense psychically if---”

“You noticed because we’re both depressed as fuck.” Riko gave a top some consideration but thought better of it. Yoshiko looked for the spot on the rack where the sundress she was holding was meant to go.

“Yocchan, everything bothers me. Most of it’s stupid. I try to ignore when my annoyedness is outright stupid, but I can’t always ignore it.” Riko handed the last shirt to Yoshiko to get hung up. “I don’t think I’ll be happy until I’m dead.” Riko tapped a piano tune out on the table, as if there qwew keys there. “So, I guess I have something to look forwards to.” Sometimes people mean that as a joke, and that's okay. 

But Yoshiko had to ask. “Do you want to die sometimes?” 

“Doesn't everyone?”

“For real? You really want to die?”

“I just don't care if I live. There's a difference.” Riko gave Yoshiko a weak, sad smile. “One day death will come for me. I don’t fear it. If it comes soon, that might be a good thing. Like, the final sleep, the long deep dream. Songs are only great when they end.”

“Death like angels coming down to Earth,” said Yoshiko, talking about Riko but also about something else. Her voice sounded like an empty cup, like an old, frayed-wire radio. “And fallen angels live unlucky, because the world is like death, it’s below heaven.” They didn't say another word to each other, and Riko didn't think much of it. At this point it was all casual to her. 

Yoshiko couldn't stop thinking about it. 

“Yoshiko!” You walked over, holding up a black dress with fur lining the opening for the neck and arms, and plenty of layered fabric along the bottom half of the dress, all the way down to the bottom. “I think this is better suited for you than Riko.”

Yoshiko didn’t respond, staring at Riko.

“Please don’t stare at my girlfriend,” said You, as a joke. Yoshiko looked at her, blinked, and mumbled something as she walked out of the store. “Do you know what that was about?” You asked Riko.

“No. No I don’t,” Her voice sounded empty and elsewhere, but You decided not to think too much of it. She held the dress in front of Riko.

“Actually, this could look pretty on you. Try it on.”

 

“Yoshikane!” yelled Chika, Ruby’s hand in hers, running towards her. Yoshiko waved at them half-heartedly, not really paying a lot of attention. She had a lot she was thinking about.

Maybe the present is the results of the past, in which case nothing ever ends, but continuously echoes forwards in what the past causes, together creating the future. In that case, memories aren’t a far away distant thing, but are who we are today.

And right now, Yoshiko was remembering a number of feelings from the past, and they felt a little more real than a lot of things that happened between then and now. She didn’t like that. It meant she was getting into the mindset she was in back then, and that mindset wasn’t a good one.

And all of it was because of Riko, and because of Chika, and it wasn’t their fault, but it was what was happening and Yoshiko didn’t know what to do about it. She had no breathing room, and she prob’ly wasn’t going to get any anytime soon. Not everything had to be done or fixed right away. She could leave for a little while. Into her own head.

She was aware that Chika was shaking her and Ruby was giving her a worried look, but she wanted to ignore it, and it was kinda far away too. She could take a second to breath.

“Stop scaring me,” said Chika. “You’re scaring Ruby too.” Chika’s arms were around Yoshiko, but she barely felt them.

“Huh? Oh. Okay. I need to go get something to drink. Some water. Or tea, maybe.” Yoshiko removed Chika’s arms gently and wandered off in some direction or other, and Ruby and Chika hesitated.

“Let’s go after her,” said Chika, but Ruby grabbed her wrist.

“I don’t think we can help.”

27---  
Dia got the text from Ruby, and waited in the food court. She saw Yoshiko staring at a cup of tea like it was almost profound. But Yoshiko wasn’t really staring at the tea, and Dia could tell, although she couldn’t tell what it was she was staring at.

Dia sat across from Yoshiko, managing her most nurturing look. Yoshiko looked up at her. “You look weird,” said Yoshiko. Dia frowned and moved so she was sitting next to Yoshiko.

“What are you thinking?”

“Weren’t you with Kanan and Mari?”

“They’re in an arcade. I’ll join them when I’m done here. Okay?” Dia tentatively wrapped an arm around Yoshiko. Yoshiko didn’t resist, though not because the arm was reassuring. More because she just didn’t have a reason to.

“Sorry for taking you from them,” said Yoshiko. Dia stared at Yoshiko and pulled her a bit closer. Yoshiko took a sip of her tea absently.

“What are you thinking?”

“That when you see yourself in someone else, it’s really, really scary. And I don’t think I can handle anyone right now.” Dia noticed they sat at a table in a dim, unlit corner, which no one besides Yoshiko wanted to sit in.

“Except me?” said Dia, when Yoshiko didn’t tell her to leave.

“You’re easier to handle. I think Ruby makes me think of Chika. Riko makes me think of me. You makes me think of Riko. Hanamaru’s with her relatives.” Plus, I kept thinking you hated me, and now I know you don’t and that makes me feel sorta okay, Yoshiko thought.

“Do you want to hang with me and Kanan and Mari?”

“No. I need to let it pass. The feeling passes if you give it a chance.” Talking helped sometimes, but Yoshiko didn’t wanna talk right now. It was a nice day, everyone had things they wanted to do. Though Dia maybe could use a break from Mari’s personality. Not like I’m much better, thought Yoshiko.

“Do you want me to leave?” asked Dia. Yoshiko seemed to consider it.

“No. You don’t have to stay either.”

“What did Riko do?” asked Dia. Yoshiko didn’t know whether or not to tell the truth, but she was in a mood where she didn’t care too much anymore.

“I don’t think Riko cares if she’s alive. And that made me think of me. A while ago. Not recently. Not even when we lost, not even when Chika was a coward. It was that me that I was when I was younger. It scared me like it was me. I saw myself, and I was so scared.” Yoshiko didn’t even cry.

“Yoshiko…”

“I don’t know if we can help Riko.”

“We helped you.”

“I was so much better than I used to be by the time I joined Aqours. I didn’t get better because I was helped, or because I wanted to be. I got better because I did. There wasn’t an epiphany, wasn’t anything to help me.”

“There was a reason.”

“Maybe there was a reason,” Yoshiko conceded, unbelievingly, “but I don’t know what it was. Maybe I just needed time, and a few friends.” Yoshiko grimaced. “I wish Chika knew how to give people some space though.”

“Want me to talk to her?” asked Dia. Yoshiko considered it, but it prob’ly wouldn’t do any good. She shook her head.

“I’ll talk to her afterwards. Next few weeks we don’t have practice because of finals, so it won’t be hard to avoid her.” Yoshiko took a breath. “Everything’ll be fine, eventually.”

 

28---  
“Help yourself!” said Mari, spreading her arms to reveal a veritable feast. There were a lot of cheers, but not as many as Mari expected, so she pouted, but took her seat at the head of the table. “Thanks Gerard,” she said, tipping the butler for good service. It wasn’t his fault her friends were unsuitably unimpressed.

Dia tapped Yoshiko on the shoulder and motioned for her to follow.

Out on the balcony, the sky was aging into the beginning of dusk, and the sun hadn’t set yet. Down below there was the noise of the busy city, and looking over the edge, they could see the cars, which were such small little things.

The air gusted around them.

“I’m okay now, I think,” said Yoshiko.

“I know.” Dia leaned on the balcony, not sure what she was looking for. In the distance, clouds were covering the sun in a sorta pretty way, so she pretended she’d been looking for them. “Chika’s happy.”

“It’s like every little failure becomes fuel for her,” said Yoshiko. “One moment she’s dragged herself to hell the next she’s floating up to heaven lightheartedly. Meanwhile, the rest of us lost Love Live, and we don’t know what we’re doing, but we could sorta keep going.

“I don’t know what Riko’s problem is, but she got everything Chika got, a girlfriend, a bunch of friends, some time to rest, and it didn’t turn out okay. She put as much effort into it as Chika did, too. Dia, you wouldn’t be able to tell, but Riko’s putting up an effort. But she can’t be happy. Like me. She can't even enjoy anything. We have to help her, if she gives us a chance.” Yoshiko spit off the edge of the balcony. Dia smacked her on the back of the head. Then she spoke.

“My grandfather told me, whenever I felt sad and nothing helped, that I got a case of the indescribable somethings. He said it means we can’t figure out what’s wrong with us. We try to fix it, but we make it worse, because we’re drinking cough syrup when we should be taking aspirin.” Dia looked over her shoulder, to make sure no one was coming near them.

Dia took a long breath before continuing. “I don’t think You and Riko should’ve gotten together. Chika’s immature and an idiot---”

“Chika’s not an idiot,” said Yoshiko.

“...but at least… they’re going to be a good match. Ruby makes Chika happy, Chika dotes on her. I’m… sober-minded enough to approve of them.” Dia took a breath and put her hand on Yoshiko’s. It made her less afraid of saying it all. She continued. 

“But You does anything for anyone she thinks is her friend. She got with Riko, I---” Dia struggled to think of the right word. “suspect that, that she and Riko are together because You thought it’d help Riko, not because You wants a relationship. And Riko… I don’t know if she’s ready for anything. I don’t know what she’s doing.

“But things might turn out okay,” said Dia. Yoshiko gave her a funny look, because how she described it seemed sorta dire.

“How?”

Dia knew that sometimes bad things cause good things, and good things cause bad things, and it had nothing to do with what people actually intended. Life is a mess of things happening to come together in some arrangement or other. Try to do good, be careful, that's the goal. But, who knows. She said, “Every decision you make is a mistake. Sometimes, though, you make a beautiful mistake.” Above them, the stars shone brightly, an array of violent, angry explosions. So beautiful. Warm and parently. ”Like you and me talking like this.” Yoshiko blushed and looked over the balcony.

“You’re beautiful too.”

“That’s not what I meant, but I’m happy you think that.” Yoshiko stuttered something but Dia put up a hand to shush her. “We should go in.” Dia paused. “Unless you have anything else to get off your chest.”

“Let’s go,” said Yoshiko. “I actually feel better.”

“Come on, Yohane,” Dia said in a very forced, sentimental way. They joined the others for dinner, and didn’t say a word about what they’d discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter will prob'ly have a little rewriting, so it'll go up on Thursday or Friday, but for sure sometime this week. I mostly needed some days away from the story so I could take a fresh look at it.
> 
> I don't know what to think of Riko having suicidal thoughts, but her attitude on it is pretty similar to my own. I haven't been the happiest lately. At least I can say I'm being honest about it.
> 
> Title of this chapter is taken from a Mitski song, "I Will." 
> 
> As always, I hope you're having a good day. I hope your life is going well. I hope you sleep well.


	12. Goodbyes + Epilogue

Twelfth Part: Goodbyes  
30---  
The fridge had ten bottles of wine that Riko assumed she shouldn’t touch, an empty case of ramune, a lot of meats that Riko didn’t know what to do with, a lot of condiments whose labels had Italian on them, and some leftovers, but no juice. Refined people, refined taste, reasoned Riko, closing the refrigerator door. Chika, who’d been hiding behind the door, said, “Boo!”

Riko jumped and slipped, but Chika grabbed her by the wrists and stopped her. “Chika!” Riko adjusted herself so that she wasn’t in a precarious state anymore and opened a cupboard. Maybe they had snacks somewhere. “You and Ruby make a cute couple.”

“Ehehe. Do we?” Chika leaned against a counter. “I hope I don’t mess up, like last week.” Chika slapped herself on the side of the head, to beat some sense into herself. “Ruby’s believed in me the whole time, though, so it’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” Riko opened a box and saw inside what she thought were dog treats. She put them back, not wanting to risk it.

“I hope I’m good enough for her,” said Chika, as if asking a leading question. Riko figured that Chika wanted to hear that she was good enough for Ruby, and was trying to get Riko to say so.

“If you’re careful, you’re fine,” said Riko, splitting the difference between her real opinion and what Chika wanted to hear. “It’s not like I deserve You, so I’m not the best person to ask.” By the time she realized she’d said it, it’d already slipped out. A frustrated Riko shut the doors to a cupboard she’d opened a second ago.

“Why aren’t you good enough for You?” Riko thought of every way she could get outta thus, but gave up. There wasn’t any use in it.

“I’m not. It’s simple as that. And I don’t wanna talk about it.” To you, added Riko in her mind. She reopened the cupboard and found a box of mochi, so she opened it up. Take what you want, Mari’d told her. “I think I’m a little jealous.”

“Why though? You’s so great!”

“I’m not jealous that you have Ruby. I’m jealous for other reasons.” Riko munched on a mochi and started to leave the kitchen.

“You’re good enough for You if I’m good enough for Ruby.” Chika made sure they couldn’t hear it in the living room, but Riko could. She didn’t like it, though.

In the living room Mari and You and Kanan were playing a video game while Hanamaru and Dia and Ruby watched. Chika’d prob’ly join them in a minute, but Riko didn’t feel like being social after having a conversation like that. She snuck her way into the parlor.

The parlor had a pool table and a dart board and a fully-stocked bar. The butler’s job tonight, apparently, included sitting at the bar to make sure none of the girls drank underage. The butler had fallen asleep a while ago.

The parlor also had a vintage Street Fighter machine that Yoshiko was having a lot of fun playing. Riko sighed and took solace in the fact that Yoshiko hadn’t noticed her yet. She took a seat in a corner, hoping she wouldn’t be seen. It actually succeeded pretty well with Yoshiko sucked into the game.

She relaxed by playing on her phone, and let her guard done so much she didn’t notice when Yoshiko was standing right in front of her. “Hey, Riri. We should talk.” Riko put down her phone and counted to ten in her head. Tonight wasn’t her night.

“Why’s everyone talking to me tonight?”

“Who else talked to you?”

“Chika.” Yoshiko nodded in understanding.

“You’re not alone you know.”

“I know, I have You.” Riko said it like it was the answer, but she couldn’t exactly say why it was. Yoshiko could tell Riko didn’t entirely believe it, and sat on the ground in front of her.

“Does that make it better, though?”

“Does it have to?”

“No. But do you feel happier that you’re with her?” asked Yoshiko. Riko looked on the verge of tears, but didn’t say anything. “Not feel better. She doesn’t have to make it better. She likes you how you are, I think. But, are you ready for this?”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?” she asked desperately. Riko pulled her legs up onto the chair, holding them close to her. Yoshiko stood up so she could see Riko’s face. “I’m seventeen years old. I’m responsible. I’m going to be in the same city and maybe school as her starting next year. I’m. I can do this.”

Yoshiko bit her lip and swallowed, because what she was about to say felt very mean. She tried to think of a better way to say it, but pausing for so long was getting awkward and she had nothing, so she asked it. “How?” she asked calmly

“By being a good girlfriend.” It was all Riko could think of.

“How?” Yoshiko didn’t like saying this, but it was making Riko face her problems. I shouldn’t be doing this, thought Yoshiko. I’m pushing her into a corner. But, if you’re going to make a mistake…

“What?” Riko was on the verge of tears.

“How? You look so tired. I can tell you’re shaking. I don’t know how you’re going to handle this without any help.” Riko cried and couldn’t speak, and when she tried, she coughed instead. Yoshiko stood and watched, and ran a reassuring hand up and down Riko’s arm. 

“I can’t do anything,” said Riko. “Not a single goddamned thing. Because fuck me I guess? I was born into this stupid world and given empty feelings and the stupidest goddamn lonely existence and now I can’t have a fucking girlfriend because everything makes me so goddamned sad and I hate myself and I hate this.” Riko sputtered a few breaths and kept on as she was. “I don’t like living like this. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t.” Riko repeated “I don’t” as Yoshiko watched to make sure no one was in the room besides them and the butler, who remained sleeping.

 

Riko cleaned herself up the best she could, wiping away the tears with napkins from the bar, and leaned against the cabinet beside her. “Help me. Please. I want what I have. Even if everything I feel is empty. Even if everything I feel makes me sad. Please help me.” Yoshiko didn’t know what the better choice would be. It might be best to make Riko face it on her own, or it might be better to make her break up with You, or it might be better to make her talk to You. 

“I’ll help,” said Yoshiko. She knew what it was like being alone, and that what Riko really needed was some help.

31---  
“Riko will be waiting at the station like she said, right?” Yoshiko whispered. Dia shrugged. Outside the window of the bus to the train station, they saw all the sights of a city street. They were on the way to the train station from Mari’s hotel, and 

“She’ll make her own decisions. Let her make mistakes. Like Ruby and Chika.”

“You yell at me for being rude but you keep saying that was a mistake.”

“This is different,” Dia said. “Besides, like I said, some mistakes are beautiful.” Ruby and Hanamaru were sitting together, and Chika and You were sitting together, and Kanan and Mari were sitting together, so Dia and Yoshiko ended up sitting together, and everyone was surprised when Dia didn’t complain.

“How’d you two get so close?” asked Kanan. Dia and Yoshiko realized that, whispering to each other like that, they looked like they had some secret. Which wasn’t far off from the truth.

“We’re not close!” yelled Yoshiko.

“Aren’t we now?” asked Dia absently. She immediately regretted it.

“I’m honestly surprised,” said Kanan. “Last I heard you were at Yoshiko’s throat.”

“It’s Yohane!” 

“Though we grew up with Mari, so I guess you’re used to being friends with annoying people.” Mari punched her in the arm and Yoshiko stuck her tongue out at her. Hanamaru laughed, her hand over her mouth. 

“Congratulations!” said Ruby. “Why aren’t you two holding hands?”

“Not that kind of close, Ruby.” Dia looked out the window. “I will now ignore each and every one of you for the remainder of the train ride. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.”

“We r tho <3,” said Mari.

“I’m going to curse you,” said Yoshiko.

“It’s joke! ;)”

“By Beelzebub, spawn of Satan, thou shalt---”

“Be queen of all you hoes!” interrupted Mari. “By Satan, it worked! I am the Queen!” Yoshiko leaned across the aisle to get at Mari, but Kanan was between them. A woman chose that exact time to walk through the middle of the seats and run into Yoshiko. Yoshiko fell into the aisle, and the woman landed on top of her.

“I hate everything,” said Yoshiko.

In the seats in front of Ruby and Hanamaru, You was twiddling her thumbs. “She said she was having a good time. I could tell she wasn’t. I asked her and she said it wasn’t my fault.”

“She likes you. I promise.”

“How do you know?” Chika put a reassuring hand on You’s shoulder.

“A Chika always knows,” she said wisely.

 

“Don’t worry You, we have twenty minutes until the train leaves,” said Yoshiko. You nodded, understanding but not confident. She checked the time on her phone, though it wouldn’t give a different result than the main clock in the station. Yoshiko debated whether or not to ask Riko where the hell she was.

The clock counted out the minutes. You thought to herself, even though she knew it was wrong, that all she had to do was say that she liked Riko, that they’d be okay. But she’d already said all that. It hadn’t made anything much better, that she could tell.

Would it even work out?

“Hey.” You looked up and saw Riko, her right hand rubbing along her left arm, a nervous look on her face. “I guess this is goodbye for now.”

“Our last Live is in Numazu. It’d be nice if you come.” You couldn’t help but speak in a wooden voice.

“I’ll have to do that.”

“You dorks are so awkward,” said Yoshiko. She scooted over and tapped the spot on the bench between her and You. Riko took the spot and looked at her hands. 

“Did you have fun in Tokyo?” asked Riko.

“Yeah,” said You.

“That’s good.”

“Did you? I mean, when we were here.”

“No. Sorry. I had a lot on my mind.”

“Tell me about it?”

“I’ll call you tonight, if you’re not busy.”

“I won’t be too busy for you.”

They kept on saying something, anything until the train was opened for boarding. Kanan and Mari got on first, going into one of the more expensive luxury train. Mari invited Dia, who didn’t have a reason to refuse, so she went with them. Yoshiko, Ruby, and Hanamaru got in next. Then Chika said goodbye to Riko, and only You and Riko were left.

“Um,” said Riko. She didn’t say anything else.

“Is there something you want to say?” You forced herself to not face away from Riko, and to not run away. This would be the last time she’d be with Riko in person for a while. She wanted to give a proper goodbye.

Riko hugged her, and said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not better. I’m sorry I’m me. I’m sorry for so very much.” You rubbed a hand along Riko’s back. “I’m sorry I ran away from Uchiura. I’m sorry I asked you to be my girlfriend.

“And thank you. Thank you for everything. For being there for me. I love you, as a friend. And I’m so happy I get to be more. And I’m saying more than I should, and being overdramatic, but this is who I am, I guess.” Riko kissed You on the cheek. “Goodbye. See you in a month. If I can’t make it to your Live, I’ll visit anyways. I promise.”

“Goodbye, Riko. See you.” You stood on her tiptoes and kissed Riko on the forehead. “I’d say more, but I don’t know what to say. I doubt I have time anyways before the train leaves.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t’ve talked so long.”

“Don’t be sorry. It makes me feel better that you said it.” You gave Riko one last hug and started onto the train. “Call me tonight, or I’ll call you.”

You waved as she got on the train, and proceeded immediately to a window seat, looking through it at Riko. The doors of the train closed, and in seconds the train began to move. Riko and You waved each other goodbye as it went.

You turned around, to find that someone’d taken the other half of this seat. “Um miss, can I get through.”

“Oh. Yes.” The woman got out slowly, and You started looking for Chika and the rest of them. They were sitting near the back, in seats that faced each other. You sat next to Chika, who was already next to Ruby. They were holding hands, and both blushing.

This was a long week, thought You. I never thought anything like this could happen. There’s so much to accomplish and so much to fix. She was torn from her reminiscences by Chika, who smiled at her so very brightly. Behind her, Ruby was doing the same. You was grateful Chika had that smile again.

“You haven’t said how it went yet,” said Chika.

“It went alright.”

“Did you kiss?” asked Chika, excitedly. She was so happy for everything that’d happened on the trip. It was all so very eventful.

“A little bit,” said You, looking out the window. The train made towards Uchiura, the short route that took two, maybe three hours. “See you soon, Riko,” said You, when they’d finally left the metropolitan outgrowth of Tokyo, and could only see the buildings in the distance.

32---  
Riko reread the last message from Yoshiko. 

YOSHIKO: It’s fine. We almost got rained out anyways. We’re on stage still.

Riko took a breath and followed the bright lights through the festival. There were a number of lanterns and flashlights and streetlights so that people could see as the sun faded and fell, but the brightest lights came from the stage.

Riko had dressed up a bit. More makeup than usual, a nice blouse and jeans, and she’d almost pu on jewelry, but that felt like too much. Though, if their videos were anything to go by, Aqours’d be dressed up in very frilly outfits. Riko clutched her wrists. There wasn’t much to do about anything except keep on going.

How you do anything, Riko thought, is you don’t ask questions. Asking questions is for before and after. When you’re doing something, you do it without questioning how or why. You follow the lights, put one foot in front of the other, over and over. And you keep on going.

And, if you’re a very lucky person, you’ll have a reason to keep on going. Not everyone does, but Riko thought of You, of how long it’d been since they’d seen each other. The nervous feeling in her stomach hadn’t subsided, but she didn’t stop walking.

The stage hadn’t been decorated very much, but they’d set up a smoke machine and a lot of lights, and a spotlight shined from on top of a makeshift tower constructed of wood and planks. Chika, Ruby and Yoshiko were sitting on the front of the stage, entertaining a group of kids. Hanamaru was talking to Mari and Kanan, who were both in street clothes already. Riko didn’t see You.

Riko stared at Chika. She’d accomplished so much, she looked so amazing on stage, like a minor celebrity. She was so nice, so energetic, so open. Riko couldn’t help but feel jealous about that. Even though she knew how stupid that all was. “I’m so embarrassed at myself.”

“What for?” said a voice, right next to her ear. Riko slapped the voice and turned to face them. It was You. “Sorry.” You laughed.

“It’s fine. I figured that might happen.” You held out a hand. “Let’s go walk.”

Riko grabbed You’s hand. “Let’s.”

 

“Good job Ruby,” said Dia, giving her sister a hug. “You were so amazing.”

“Of course! I was with Chika after all.” Dia shot a smart glance at Yoshiko over Ruby’s shoulder. “I have so much to catch you up on! Me and Chika walked around the festival before the show so I can spend the rest of the night with you. Pleaaaaase?” 

“Alright,” said Dia. She waved a hand. “Hey Yoshiko.”

“Hey Dia.” Yoshiko gave a very honest smile as Dia lead Ruby away into the stalls. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s only us three left, isn’t it?” asked Chika. Yoshiko nodded. “Walk around together?” Yoshiko nodded. “Hanamaru?”

“Sure.” Chika hugged them, one in each arm.

“Great! Where do you wanna go first? There’s a ring toss booth with goldfish as prizes! Ruby and I tried but we couldn’t win and I want a goldfish.” She heard a low, dramatic voice cackling.

“Luckily for you, little demon, the Fallen Angel Yohane has great magics to assist her in games. How else would I---”

“You’d do that for me?” asked Chika. Yoshiko nodded seriously. She was slightly irritated that her spiel’d been interrupted, but actually she had no idea where she was taking that speech, so it might’ve been better that she didn’t finish it.

 

“What’s the gossip in Uchiura?” asked Riko after finishing a story.

“Nothing. Chika and Ruby went on their first date. Dia had a temper tantrum because she couldn’t chaperone. Kanan and Mari have gotten close, but that’s not news. It’s been on it’s way for a while.” You laid back on the rocks, looking up at the stars. “Hanamaru’s so quiet I think she’s planning something, and Yoshiko and Dia’ve been talking a lot. It’s weird.”

“Let Yocchan have her fun.” Riko laid her head on You and joined her in staring up at the sky. They were far enough away from the lights of the festival that they could see most of the stars. It’s going to be so nice living here, she thought.

Epilogue: Wake Up, Start Running For Your Life  
\--- Riko picked up her phone and checked it for messages. There were a lotta them. It made her happy in spite of herself. She sat up straight and got to reading them.

CHIKA: cant wait to have class together!!! :)

YOSHIKO: I have to call Dia at lunch, so if you need someone to talk to wait for class than make up an excuse to go to the nurse’s office. Text me and I’ll meet you.  
YOSHIKO: *then

RUBY: Ganbaruby, Riko! :)

YOU: Can’t wait to see u today. You’ve been quiet all weekend.

DIA: Don’t miss the bus. Also, the ramen shop you recommended was really good. Thanks.

MARI: Dia told me to encourage you, so!  
MARI: You’re very shiny ;)

KANAN: Good luck today!

Riko stretched her arms and got out of bed. The school’s uniform was on top of a dresser by her door. She grabbed it to go change in the bathroom. After she’d done that, put on her make-up, and styled her hair, she sat on the edge of the bed and texted You.

RIKO: what were you doing awake at six in the morning?  
YOU: Morning run!  
RIKO: sorry i’ve been quiet. i’m so nervous. i keep thinking you’ll get tired of me if you see me every day  
YOU: Never gonna happen! :)  
YOU: Sit next to me on the bus or I might get mad thooooo!

In the kitchen, her mother was dishing up the omurice. “Good morning honey!” She set the plate on the table, humming along to her enka. “You’re going to be late.” Riko checked her phone, and for the first time that morning saw the time. She had to run. Now.

“Gotta-go-or-You’s-gonna-be-mad-at-me-I’ll-eat-that-later-bye!” Riko said as she rushed out of the kitchen. The could be heard opening a second later as Riko grabbed her backpack off the couch, and then it was closed when she left again.

Outside, Riko was doing her best to remember the path to the bus stop. She had to take a left, two blocks over, then a right--- shit, the bus wasn’t there!

But, Riko noticed when the adrenaline faded, Yoshiko and You and the others were at the bus stop, waving to her. She let out a breath and joined them. 

“I thought you were gonna miss it,” said You, smiling. “I almost had to be mad at you.”

“I woke up later than usual.”

“You’re sweating,” said You, in the voice of someone who wouldn’t be sweating from that short of a run. Riko wanted to slap her but gave her a hug instead.

“Shut up and keep smiling at me today. I’ll need it.”

“Of course, Cherry Blossom.”

“Gross,” said Yoshiko.

“You’re just jealous,” said Hanamaru. “Because Dia’s nickname f---” Shut it!” “---or you is ‘My Beautiful Mistake.’” Yoshiko put her hand in front of Hanamaru’s mouth too late for it to have any effect.

“Is that right, Yocchan?” asked Riko.

“No one heard that!” said Yoshiko.

“But I’m pretty su---”

“No one heard that, Chika.” Riko and You burst out laughing. Hanamaru managed to do the same too, behind Yoshiko’s hand. “It’s nicer if you know the context!”

“Sure, it is,” said Riko. “Sure it is.”

“It’s okay Yoshiko,” said Ruby earnestly. “Dia still loves you.”

 

“They’re all so meeeaaan!” said Yoshiko, complaining into the phone.

“Do you want me to stop calling you that?” asked Dia.

“No,” said Yoshiko. It was actually sorta sweet, she thought. But other people, when they heard it… “In front of other people maybe. Except Ruby. Ruby was the only one who wasn’t mean.”

“Was it that bad? Do you want me to talk to them?”

“No no no. They’re teasing and I can handle it. I just… it’s kinda annoying when something you really love is used to mock you.” Yoshiko looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening in on the call.

“I’ll talk to them.”

“Then they’ll tease me more. Don’t be a mom.” Dia sighed after a second,

“I wouldn't have had time anyways."

“You’re too busy.”

“As you’ve said. But I have to go apartment hunting and shopping and I don’t have anything setup here yet. Next week I’ll have more time free.” Dia’d waited until the last minute to leave Uchiura, in order to have more time with Yoshiko and Ruby, and Kanan and Mari before they’d left. She was now rushing and struggling to get everything in place. It was a new feeling for her. She was used to being prepared.

“Okay,” said Yoshiko.

“How’s Riko? She didn’t respond to my text.”

“She didn’t respond to anyone but You’s and mine.” Yoshiko checked the watch Dia bought her. It was a cheap watch with a cartoon character on it, but it worked and it was from Dia.

“How is she?”

“Alright. She seems flighty but not more than I was on my first day in Uchiura.” Ah memories, thought Yoshiko. The little demons on my shoulders.

“You and You must’ve really helped her.”

“Maybe.”

“Well I think you helped.”

“Thanks. Lunch is almost over. Call me this Friday then?”

“Or Saturday. Hell or high water. Goodbye My Beautiful Mistake.”

“Talk to you later, Dia.”

 

There were pianos in the music rooms at Numazu. One was a grand piano, only used for special occasions. Others were cheaper models for the students to practice on or use. There was a baby grand piano in the chorus room. There was an electronic keyboard in the light music room.

There was an old piano, slipping out of tune, in the back-most room in one corner of the school. Right now, it wasn’t being played. Instead, someone was cracking and stretching their hands, and tapping on the cover for the keys to mimic fingering. They lifted the cover off the keys, and ran through a practice piece or two. Then it was an etude.

Then, they stretched their fingers one last time and played one song. It was five minutes long, and sounded like a mountain, low and rumbling, and over the mountain was the flight of birds, high and slight, and the whole thing was slow, like the turning of the Earth, the dawn when it’s watched, the movement of the seas. The final note faded without resolution, but that felt alright. Because the whole thing was very beautiful.

It was the first time she’d played piano in months, and it might be the last time she ever would. And that was okay. Because somehow that song was all that needed to be for her, at that time. She could pick it up later if she wanted it or needed it.

Her phone beeped, an alarm she set for when You’s swim practice ended. Riko closed the cover over the keys of the piano and stood up. She smiled, like she’d learned something, or heard some good news. She closed the door behind her as she left, almost noiselessly, and met You at the front gates.

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated
> 
> I kinda just wanna wash my hands of this. I think today is the only day I haven't been too tired in the past week. Last real week of high school, coupled with getting sick (that was fucking fun), and the realization that my best friend would be just as happy not seeing me at all over the summer (and prob'ly won't), and just general depression (I think, I'm on meds but wasn't given an explicit diagnosis) have sorta put me on edge. End of high school, end of an era. But college is looking to be just as annoying, if not more. I don't really feel prepared for life.
> 
> That's been my mindset, more or less, for the past several months, maybe even longer. Nothing's really happened, but I've felt empty anyways. It came into really sharp relief during spring break. My family was visiting relatives in New Hampshire and I went to my first anime convention. I left the convention really stressed. I went into it wanting to like it, y'know, but just, I wasn't expecting the lines or having to be a half hour early at least to everything; I went alone and didn't know anyone, so I felt as lonely as usual; I prob'ly looked like an ornery jag-off to anyone who saw me, because I looked so bad-tempered a lot of the time there. My next convention, even if I go alone again (which was prob'ly the source of all my woes), will be better, because now I know what to expect.
> 
> And the convention wasn't really a big deal, but I don't have many friends. I have two, who are either too independent or too far away to talk to them much. Which is a simplification, of course, but basically true. So I was hoping at the convention I might've been able to meet people, see some cool things. Which, to be fair, I did see and buy some cool things. But I left stressed. And I live so far away from everything that I prob'ly won't be able to go to another convention or meet people who like anime or comics for three or four months at this point. Plus, y'know, even if I did try again, I'd prob'ly fail again. I'm whiny, easily stressed, quiet, clingy, socially awkward. So it's not easy for me to make friends.
> 
> Thinking about that made me really goddamn depressed. And the vacation wasn't going well besides that anyways. So, to make myself feel better, I decided to follow the common advice, and "write the story you have to write." That ended up turning into this. And it's not everything I wanted it to be. It didn't help me work through anything. Or, maybe it did, but not much. I'm not completely satisfied with it. Some parts feel choppy and others don't feel right. But I got a lot of positive responses, and some nice comments, and I feel more confident in my writing. One day I wanna be a professional writer, or at least that's the pipe dream. Like Riko though, I want things but I don't want things. It's weird. It feels like nothing'll ever be worth it, that nothing's ever substantial. But I keep trying anyways, because it's not like I have a choice, right?
> 
> So much of this story is wish fulfillment. Riko is based on me, for the most part. And I want someone like You to take care of me. It's sorta a selfish wish, but I like to imagine I'd try to give back as much as I got. I wanna be able to cry. I don't think I've earnestly cried for years. I want the catharsis. I feel like Yoshiko's arc might be wish fulfillment too, 'cause I'm kinda a screw up, so her getting together with Dia, one of the most responsible, grounded characters sorta reflects that I really want someone to just love me in spite of that I'm kinda a screw up.
> 
> The biggest wish-fulfillment is the ending. It's the most realistic happy ending I could imagine for myself, if I were Riko. Maybe one day I'll get to that point. I dunno. Life is a series of hopes, and a series of disappointments.
> 
> All that being said? I wanna share a good memory of mine.
> 
> So I'm at the convention, and there are four teenagers, or maybe they were in their early-twenties, and they made me happy every time I saw them. These four fuckers SKIP into the convention playing music on a speaker. And the first time I see them their speaker plays the opening for the second season of Sunshine, I think. I can't remember the song exactly. And they were skipping and smiling and I think they laughed at least once or twice really goddamn happily. They were so goddamn obnoxiously happy. I really liked seeing them so happy.
> 
> And you can choose whatever lesson you want to learn from something, so the lesson I choose to learn from that is, you're never too depressed to laugh at people skipping and smiling like children. Honestly some of my happiest memories.
> 
> Sorry for the long commentary again, but at least it's the last one for this story.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> I hope your day is going okay, I hope you get what you deserve.
> 
> Good night. Sleep well, sweet dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> So, first chapter, not much happens. Things pick up next chapter.
> 
> I might put up the next chapter tomorrow just because of that. If not, it should be up wednesday. Depends onnhow I feel about it.
> 
> Kudos and comments would be appreciated.


End file.
